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Terminology of Custody
in Divorce
The very words we use
to describe the way parents deal with their children after divorce are
charged with negative energy. The term "custody," for example, pushes parents
to compete with each other. Obviously, one of you is going to "win" custody
and the other will "lose." I have some of the same concern about "visitation."
Again, it connotes that one of you is the "real" parent and the other gets
to visit occasionally.
It doesn't have to
be that way. Children surely don't see it that
way. They still have two parents, and they almost always want a close relationship
with both of them.
Most good mediators,
aware of the power of this terminology to push parents into positions,
coach both parents to work out their parenting schedule and their approach
to making major decisions, all before they begin putting a label
on any of their agreements. |
