Time limit on second opinion

[allemyne]

My son needs some extensive dental work (braces); my ex and I are to split expenses not covered by insurance, and neither of us have insurance that covers orthondontal work.  His regular dentist referred me to a pediatric dentist because he knew there was more work involved tha he could handle; the pediatric dentist sent me to an orthodontist, who did the impressions and explained the various problems.

I gave the info to my ex, telling him it would be $2500 each, with $1200 due the day they did the braces.  He wants a second opinion, which I've been told I have to let him get or he doesn't have to pay anything.  I was also told that he has to pay for the second opinion.  This all came up about a month ago . . . he has made no move to get the second opinion done, and when I ask him about it, he starts saying he hasn't had time, he'll get to it when he can, etc. . . .

I know from experience my ex is very undependable and procrastinates about things like this, hoping they will just disappear.  For example, he put off paying any support for the first six months, until the day before we were to go to court about it.  For the next year, we went back every 3 months, and he'd pay up the day before court . . . as long as he was paid up before we walked into the courtroom, the courts considered him "in good standing"  . . .

Is there anyway I can put a time limit on how long he has to get this second opinion?  The longer we wait, the more involved this procedure will be, and I would really like to get it done as soon as possible . . .

[anniewalker]

How much is a second opinion going to cost?  If it is not much, then I'd ask your ex which doc he wants to do the 2nd opinion.  Then schedule an appt. and take the child for the 2nd opinion.  If he doesn't know which doctor, doesn't know who he'll even ask for the referral, then give him a registered letter with 30 days to get it done.  You are being reasonable, he is being slow.  You may want to breeze that by an attorney, but I would imagine that they'd go by the "reasonable person" standard.

Paying... that is going to be a pain in your backside.  Some orthodontists will set up a payment plan if needed.  You can suggest that your ex do that or take out a loan and pay his part.  If at all possible, do NOT let 100% of the responsibilty for paying this bill fall on you.  If you pay the doc and then your ex pays you, you will have the burden of paying debt collector to your ex. Do everything you can to avoid that.

Good luck.

[allemyne]

Thanks, that's pretty much what I was thinking of doing.

It's $1200 up front, I have my half; after that it would be $150 a month split between us ($75 a month each)  He got dentures after our divorce (his new wife paid for them); I think he wants to use that guy, but since he never wears his dentures because they are uncomfortable, I won't go there!  The doctor I'm using has an awesome rep in this area, our son is really comfortable with him and his staff . . . our son is 9, so it's important to me that he feels comfortable - he's going to be seeing him at least once a month for two or three years, so he better like him!

No way I will pay and expect him to pay me back - been there, done that.  It took him 6 months to give me the $24 for his half of our son's school pictures (and I didn't let him have them until he paid it) - never again!

[Jade]

My son needs some extensive dental work (braces); my ex and I are to split expenses not covered by insurance, and neither of us have insurance that covers orthondontal work.  His regular dentist referred me to a pediatric dentist because he knew there was more work involved tha he could handle; the pediatric dentist sent me to an orthodontist, who did the impressions and explained the various problems.

I gave the info to my ex, telling him it would be $2500 each, with $1200 due the day they did the braces.  He wants a second opinion, which I've been told I have to let him get or he doesn't have to pay anything.  I was also told that he has to pay for the second opinion.  This all came up about a month ago . . . he has made no move to get the second opinion done, and when I ask him about it, he starts saying he hasn't had time, he'll get to it when he can, etc. . . .

I know from experience my ex is very undependable and procrastinates about things like this, hoping they will just disappear.  For example, he put off paying any support for the first six months, until the day before we were to go to court about it.  For the next year, we went back every 3 months, and he'd pay up the day before court . . . as long as he was paid up before we walked into the courtroom, the courts considered him "in good standing"  . . .

Is there anyway I can put a time limit on how long he has to get this second opinion?  The longer we wait, the more involved this procedure will be, and I would really like to get it done as soon as possible . . .

Does he have to take him to get the second opinion or can you?  If  you can, make the appointment and take him.

Who picks the doctor, you or him?  If it is him, gather together several names and tell him to pick one.   Ask him to do this in writing and tell him that time is running out.  You will get him a second opinion as requested, but you won't let him drag his feet on the matter.

And if all else fails, you can file a motion to bypass the need for a second opinion while having him pay his half.  And ask that he pays all related court costs in the matter since he is the one dragging his feet to the detriment of your child.

[allemyne]

The divorce states I make any decisions regarding medical/dental/vision if there is a dispute.  I suppose I could take him, but I feel it's unnecessary and trying to get him to foot the bill would take forever!
Going through thte couts to get an order would probably take even longer, given the court system around here!

[Jade]

Thanks, that's pretty much what I was thinking of doing.

It's $1200 up front, I have my half; after that it would be $150 a month split between us ($75 a month each)  He got dentures after our divorce (his new wife paid for them); I think he wants to use that guy, but since he never wears his dentures because they are uncomfortable, I won't go there!  The doctor I'm using has an awesome rep in this area, our son is really comfortable with him and his staff . . . our son is 9, so it's important to me that he feels comfortable - he's going to be seeing him at least once a month for two or three years, so he better like him!

No way I will pay and expect him to pay me back - been there, done that.  It took him 6 months to give me the $24 for his half of our son's school pictures (and I didn't let him have them until he paid it) - never again!

You don't have to use the doctor that gives the second opinion. 

[Jade]

The divorce states I make any decisions regarding medical/dental/vision if there is a dispute.  I suppose I could take him, but I feel it's unnecessary and trying to get him to foot the bill would take forever!
Going through thte couts to get an order would probably take even longer, given the court system around here!

Then you get to choose the doctor you use for a second opinion (although you have posted before that you already got a second opinion, so this will be a third opinion).  And you get to take your son to the appointment.  And when the second opinion comes back as your son needing this done, then you get to start the work and your ex gets to pay his half.

[chill]

consultations on braces usually doesn't cost anything.

I always sent everything in writing, to my ex.  That way I had a papertrail,  I would put that if I didn't hear anything back within 30 days, I will assume that This doctor is ok and he approves.  Or you can say, in regards to our phone conversation about getting a second opinion, I agree with you and will make another appointment with another dentist to quote us prices.  It's really rather easy to get around talking personally and getting action.
1. Always send a certified letter, and always make a copy
2. Dentist usually give FREE consultations for braces
3. Notify him of the choice of dentist and tell him in the letter what his share will be and when it will be due.

I have found that "they" do not like to be help accountable, and when you send a letter, they know you now have a paper trail so, they are less likely to give you grief.  And if they do.........ask them to put there concerns in writing. lol

[allemyne]

I suppose I could get the inpressions and x-rays from the orthodontist and take them to another doctor, it's just irritating that he goes for a month of more without seeing our son (and lives 10 miles away), then pulls stunts like this, which makes me look like the bad guy because Daddy doesn't want to put him through all this . . .

[Wolfy]

Alle
Take care of your kid and you will be the best parent. Just make sure that whatever you do for a second opinion will work for your ex, so you don't have to do it a third time or give him a reason to argue with you about it. The sooner you get this done the sooner your son will get his braces off.

[allemyne]

Oh, he'll never be happy with it - it costs money.  if it was free, he'd be all for it!  I've tried to explain that this delay is going to make things worse - if we wait too long, he'll have to have the lower jaw cut, slid forward and wired in place.  My ex has had his jaw wired shut 2 or 3 times, so he should not want to put our son through it, but the almighty $$$$ wins.