medical/dental decision and $$$

[allemyne]

My ex and I divorced three years ago.  Over the course of the three years, he has managed to see our son a total of 120 days, even though he lives 10 miles away, so I wouldn't exactly call him an involved parent.

About a year ago, our dentist referred me to a pediatric dentist because he saw some things that concerned him.  This dentist pulled a tooth, but strongly recommended I take our son to an orthodontist, as his mouth was more advanced than most kids his age and we needed to be thinking of braces.  I informed my ex; he had no objections.  Over the past few months, I have been taking our son to an orthodontist to get x-rays, impressions, etc., always informing his father when we had visits scheduled.  Last week, we finally sat down for the consult, and the orthodontist went through everything, explaining the extent of the problems and possible damage that would result from delaying much longer (it's pretty major if we wait)  I informed my ex via email and phone, including the fact that our son is out the week of the 16th for Spring Break and I wanted to get it done then so he could adjust to them before school started back.  He never contacted me until he dropped our son off Sunday, when he informed me he wanted a second opinion.  This would delay things for who knows how long, as he's not exactly the type to get things done in any hurry.

I have two questions.  Our divorce states I have final decision on all medical and dental matters - does this mean I can go ahead as planned and schedule this without waiting around for him?   Also, since the decree states we are to split anything insurance doesn't cover, will proceeding without his approval effect this, considering he has known this was being planned for months?

[Jade]

My ex and I divorced three years ago.  Over the course of the three years, he has managed to see our son a total of 120 days, even though he lives 10 miles away, so I wouldn't exactly call him an involved parent.

About a year ago, our dentist referred me to a pediatric dentist because he saw some things that concerned him.  This dentist pulled a tooth, but strongly recommended I take our son to an orthodontist, as his mouth was more advanced than most kids his age and we needed to be thinking of braces.  I informed my ex; he had no objections.  Over the past few months, I have been taking our son to an orthodontist to get x-rays, impressions, etc., always informing his father when we had visits scheduled.  Last week, we finally sat down for the consult, and the orthodontist went through everything, explaining the extent of the problems and possible damage that would result from delaying much longer (it's pretty major if we wait)  I informed my ex via email and phone, including the fact that our son is out the week of the 16th for Spring Break and I wanted to get it done then so he could adjust to them before school started back.  He never contacted me until he dropped our son off Sunday, when he informed me he wanted a second opinion.  This would delay things for who knows how long, as he's not exactly the type to get things done in any hurry.

I have two questions.  Our divorce states I have final decision on all medical and dental matters - does this mean I can go ahead as planned and schedule this without waiting around for him?   Also, since the decree states we are to split anything insurance doesn't cover, will proceeding without his approval effect this, considering he has known this was being planned for months?

He has the right to ask for a second opinion, you also have the right to make it clear that he is paying 100% for this second opinion.  But you don't have to do all of the tests and impressions again.  Explain to your orthodontist that your ex wants a second opinion and that you will need all of the information to take to another orthodontist.  The orthodontist can evaluate the x-rays, the impressions and your son's teeth and give you a second opinion.  And then I would send the entire bill for the second opinion to your ex for payment. 

You could probably proceed without his permission since your court order states that you have the final say, but he may be able to get out of paying his share since he asked for a second opinion and you didn't get one.

[allemyne]

That's kind of what I was afraid of, but, like I said, his wanting a second opinion is going to delay things  . . . I feel since I have talked with three separate dentists about the situation, I have a pretty good understanding of this; he's just delaying things because of the cost . . . .

I may try to talk to him again and explain my position.  Thanks for the information!

[livealittle]

That's kind of what I was afraid of, but, like I said, his wanting a second opinion is going to delay things  . . . I feel since I have talked with three separate dentists about the situation, I have a pretty good understanding of this; he's just delaying things because of the cost . . . .

I may try to talk to him again and explain my position.  Thanks for the information!

why didn't this post what I wrote?!?!


I think Jade is right on with her advice

[Jade]

That's kind of what I was afraid of, but, like I said, his wanting a second opinion is going to delay things  . . . I feel since I have talked with three separate dentists about the situation, I have a pretty good understanding of this; he's just delaying things because of the cost . . . .

I may try to talk to him again and explain my position.  Thanks for the information!

You have already consulted with 3 other dentists and they came up with the same conclusion? 

Seems like you got more than a second opinion.  Any of them willing to testify in court, if necessary? 

[allemyne]

Possibly, I haven't asked.  This all came up over the weekend.

He had no problem with it (as a matter of fact, agreed just last week we needed to get it done) when he thought his insurance would cover the cost; now that he found out it won't, he's suddenly dragging his feet.

I really would rather not drag it through court; we've already spent a year going in every three months to force him to pay child support!  I have the feeling taking it to court would drag on for a while!  If we delay for very long, it's going to entail oral surgery, and I'd really rather not put our son through it.

[Jade]

Possibly, I haven't asked.  This all came up over the weekend.

He had no problem with it (as a matter of fact, agreed just last week we needed to get it done) when he thought his insurance would cover the cost; now that he found out it won't, he's suddenly dragging his feet.

I really would rather not drag it through court; we've already spent a year going in every three months to force him to pay child support!  I have the feeling taking it to court would drag on for a while!  If we delay for very long, it's going to entail oral surgery, and I'd really rather not put our son through it.

You can have it done without going to court since you have the final say.  What you will end up going to court over is the costs.   

Anyway to have the child support garnished from his wages? 

[allemyne]

He owns his own truck and leases to a company; I'm not sure if I can get it garnisheed or not.  The jobs he had before, he'd quit when the garnishee started.

In the past I have paid bills and given him copies to get my half - it may take up to 6 months that way.  This is going to be $1200 up front and $150 for 26 months . . . I cannot afford that and then wait until he decides to pay!  I told him I already had my $600 and needed his to schedule this; that's when he suddenly needed a second opinion!

The way he drags his feet on anything concerning our son is why I was wondering if I could proceed without waiting for the second opinion.  He pays his child support the last day of the month most of the time, sees his son maybe 2 or 3 days a month (never for longer than a weekend), always has an excuse why he can't pay other bills . . . but he and his wife recently bought a new hottub and pool table for their home (and she doesn't work)

[Jade]

He owns his own truck and leases to a company; I'm not sure if I can get it garnisheed or not.  The jobs he had before, he'd quit when the garnishee started.

In the past I have paid bills and given him copies to get my half - it may take up to 6 months that way.  This is going to be $1200 up front and $150 for 26 months . . . I cannot afford that and then wait until he decides to pay!  I told him I already had my $600 and needed his to schedule this; that's when he suddenly needed a second opinion!

The way he drags his feet on anything concerning our son is why I was wondering if I could proceed without waiting for the second opinion.  He pays his child support the last day of the month most of the time, sees his son maybe 2 or 3 days a month (never for longer than a weekend), always has an excuse why he can't pay other bills . . . but he and his wife recently bought a new hottub and pool table for their home (and she doesn't work)

Is the company he owns incorporated?  If so, he is probably paid a salary (a corporation is considered its own entity, even if one person owns all of the stock).  And that salary can be garnished.

If it isn't a corporation, he owns it outright.  Including the truck.  And that can have a lien put on it to cover outstanding support that he owes you.  In other words, he wouldn't be able to sell it and buy a new one without paying you everything he owes you.

And if he has put it in his wife's name, you may be able to get around that by saying that since he owns the company, the trucks are subject to the lien.

You can also try to get any tax refund applied to his arrears (and outstanding medical bills do count as arrears).  The next time you talk to an attorney, discuss this with him/her. 

[anniewalker]

Sorry, just found this post...
Is your ex an owner-operator?  He owns the truck but has his plates and IFTA certs, cab cards and all that through a parent company (like Landstar or Yellow or Southeastern Carriers)?  If so, then they cut him a check and they can garnish his wages.  My daddy owned a trucking company and I did payroll and safety.  It doesn't matter if they drive a company truck or if they are owner-operators.  Same deal.  The only diff at my dad's company was the pay rate and the company pays for the fuel in the company trucks.  Taxes came out the same, garnishments came out the same, and the drivers whined the same.

If he's a hopper, and many drivers are hoppers, then you may want to pay the $25 and have DHR take your case. They'll keep up with his new job and getting the IWO in place and collecting your money.  It's a heckuva lot cheaper than a private attorney.  AND if you don't already, make sure you get his CDL Number.  You can use that to track him down no matter who he drives a truck for, anywhere in the USA.

Good luck with all this!