types of abuse???

[Baileysgirl]

I've lived with abuse for many yrs................10 yrs ago it came to a head - he was arrested and I filed.......to make a long story short - we got back together - now its 10yrs later - I vacationed out east last summer at my brothers and had a wonderful time. After I came home I found myself very unhappy with my home life, and have been thinking very strongly about leaving. I had planned a nite at my mothers and was going to take my dog, shepherd with me, husband put the kennel in the back of my SUV and tried putting my dog in back in the kennel. He scared him and the dog jump in the back but not in the kennel........after a few min. he did get him in the kennel. Then just seconds later, he opened the kennel and pulled him out of it and yelled at me saying he was not going with me. (my mother was there seeing all this) then he took the kennel out of the car and threw it across the driveway..............my question is, is this the beginning of things to come, again??? He is also,threatening me with divorce if I don't "put out".................duh? Whats that all about??? I've been given til March to make up my mind on weather or not to say.....if I stay - he demands I'm a "wife" to him...........we all know what that means................

[Jade]

I've lived with abuse for many yrs................10 yrs ago it came to a head - he was arrested and I filed.......to make a long story short - we got back together - now its 10yrs later - I vacationed out east last summer at my brothers and had a wonderful time. After I came home I found myself very unhappy with my home life, and have been thinking very strongly about leaving. I had planned a nite at my mothers and was going to take my dog, shepherd with me, husband put the kennel in the back of my SUV and tried putting my dog in back in the kennel. He scared him and the dog jump in the back but not in the kennel........after a few min. he did get him in the kennel. Then just seconds later, he opened the kennel and pulled him out of it and yelled at me saying he was not going with me. (my mother was there seeing all this) then he took the kennel out of the car and threw it across the driveway..............my question is, is this the beginning of things to come, again??? He is also,threatening me with divorce if I don't "put out".................duh? Whats that all about??? I've been given til March to make up my mind on weather or not to say.....if I stay - he demands I'm a "wife" to him...........we all know what that means................

Threatening divorce if you don't have sex with him is **** as far as I am concerned.  And one big red flag.

[Dallas]

I've lived with abuse for many yrs................10 yrs ago it came to a head - he was arrested and I filed.......to make a long story short - we got back together - now its 10yrs later - I vacationed out east last summer at my brothers and had a wonderful time. After I came home I found myself very unhappy with my home life, and have been thinking very strongly about leaving. I had planned a nite at my mothers and was going to take my dog, shepherd with me, husband put the kennel in the back of my SUV and tried putting my dog in back in the kennel. He scared him and the dog jump in the back but not in the kennel........after a few min. he did get him in the kennel. Then just seconds later, he opened the kennel and pulled him out of it and yelled at me saying he was not going with me. (my mother was there seeing all this) then he took the kennel out of the car and threw it across the driveway..............my question is, is this the beginning of things to come, again??? He is also,threatening me with divorce if I don't "put out".................duh? Whats that all about??? I've been given til March to make up my mind on weather or not to say.....if I stay - he demands I'm a "wife" to him...........we all know what that means................

You've lived with this guy for years and you're asking this board of strangers to predict his future behavior?

Decide if you want to put out or not.  Totally your choice.  Totally his choice as to whether or not to decide to file on that criteria.

Dallas

[Dallas]

Threatening divorce if you don't have sex with him is **** as far as I am concerned.  And one big red flag.

Then I guess my wife is guilty of kidnapping if she threatens to divorce me if I don't stay in on Saturday nights.

Dallas

[safetobemeguy]

OK, I will put in my 2 cents.  My lawyer in my divorce had a way of saying it.  "There is no way any person outside of a relationship can ever truly understand what goes wrong in a marriage to cause it to fail."  I don't think anyone here can truly understand what all is going on or not going on between the 2 of you.  In any case we see it has become emotionally charged. 

I came from a marrage where sex was part of the problem.  It should be a positive experience for both parties.  I became frustrated in my attempts to make it fulfilling for her.  She would create the spin that she was doing me a favor and would I hurry and be done.  Bottom line sex did not keep us together.  I am now single.  I still don't understand why it did not work for her in my marriage but as a single guy I have yet to have an experience as bad as the best night of 32 years of marriage.  I just don't get why we had such a difficult time.  I am glad we moved on.  Finding a mate who is a true keeper has become a challenge.  The key is I am now very happy in my life and I know I will find the right person to share this happiness I feel in good time.  When it is right everything will be right.

Don

[Jade]

Threatening divorce if you don't have sex with him is **** as far as I am concerned.  And one big red flag.

Then I guess my wife is guilty of kidnapping if she threatens to divorce me if I don't stay in on Saturday nights.

Dallas

Coercion is wrong in any form. 

[tank]

I am now very happy in my life

Thanks for the positive posting, Safetobemeguy.  Glad you know there's a great future for you, regardless of what's been.   

[Dallas]

Threatening divorce if you don't have sex with him is **** as far as I am concerned.  And one big red flag.

Then I guess my wife is guilty of kidnapping if she threatens to divorce me if I don't stay in on Saturday nights.

Dallas

Coercion is wrong in any form. 

Then I suppose you do not support the enforcement of child-support orders.

Dallas

[m_t]

LOL He got you on that one, Jade!

[Jade]

Threatening divorce if you don't have sex with him is **** as far as I am concerned.  And one big red flag.

Then I guess my wife is guilty of kidnapping if she threatens to divorce me if I don't stay in on Saturday nights.

Dallas

Coercion is wrong in any form. 

Then I suppose you do not support the enforcement of child-support orders.

Dallas

Enforcing court ordered child support is completely different than forcing someone to have sex with you via coercion.


Children are innocent and BOTH parents have a LEGAL obligation to financially support their children. 

[Baileysgirl]

Jade...............Well thank you!...........At least you don't think I'm crazy!...............your right, it prob. is a red flag...............and he should know better..............I'm just scared!!!! And my lawyer is out of town until mid April, thats why i'm trying to keep things low-key - and trying not to piss him off............just gathering a little more information, and hoping to find a little more work before I "jump", so to speak.............
I panic though, everytime he asks for the check book...............he thinks I shouldn't pay any of my bill's, which are slim to almost none - which it never mattered before, and now its a big deal!....................another form of abuse, right?

[Dallas]

Enforcing court ordered child support is completely different than forcing someone to have sex with you via coercion.

Google "special pleading"

Look up "coerce" in a dictionary.  It does not exclude coercion based upon the authority of law.

Children are innocent and BOTH parents have a LEGAL obligation to financially support their children. 

Yes, and the government has the power to coerce people to fulfill that legal obligation.  The law would be pretty useless if the government had no enforcement power.

Dallas

[lilspektre]

Enforcing court ordered child support is completely different than forcing someone to have sex with you via coercion.

Google "special pleading"

Look up "coerce" in a dictionary.  It does not exclude coercion based upon the authority of law.

Children are innocent and BOTH parents have a LEGAL obligation to financially support their children. 

Yes, and the government has the power to coerce people to fulfill that legal obligation.  The law would be pretty useless if the government had no enforcement power.

Dallas

So, Dallas, are you saying both parents are not responsible to support their children if they choose not to?

I find it amazing you are comparing child support, which is for the benefit of dependents, to threatening to divorce because a woman won't have/doesn't want sex.

As for staying home on a Saturday night...gee, wonder how you would be physically harmed there? And did she tie you to a chair?

[Dallas]

So, Dallas, are you saying both parents are not responsible to support their children if they choose not to?

No.

I find it amazing you are comparing child support, which is for the benefit of dependents, to threatening to divorce because a woman won't have/doesn't want sex.

I'm pointing out that each have an aspect of coercion

As for staying home on a Saturday night...gee, wonder how you would be physically harmed there? And did she tie you to a chair?

Coercion does not have to involve physical harm.

Dallas

[anniewalker]

I think Dallas is contrary on purpose.  It's amusing.  But this isn't an amusing topic.