Newbie Welcome (About HEO and about us)

[jakeIsBack]

I too was on this board before (3 mos or so) and came back and noticed my ID was gone!  Well I had an awfully long story I typed out before, I did save it....  Pretty much a marriage for our daughter, my wife is dishonest (yet again...) and I tried to make it work (yet again...)  No dice.  I think its time to throw in the towell.  I'm tired of finding out she lies again and again.  I took her back many times and said I never would again many times.  It's a tough situation and sometimes you need to learn the hard way, its easy to say just move on, but its much harder to throw it away.

Its like a car that you keep fixing and it keeps breaking...  You want to keep trying but at some point you've dumped all your money into it (your life) and realize you have nothing.

I fell for the "I'm going to kill myself, save me" rant from the stbx and look where it got me.  More broke, and with more confused kids.  At least this time it doesn't hurt so bad.

[chauncy]

Sorry to hear that, Jake..been there done that.  Can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved.  Welcome back.........Deb

[polyester]

Hello,
I am thankful that I have found this site.  I've found comfort reading posts and replies from caring people.  My story doesn't seem to be any different than most except for maybe the length of time I was married.  I was married for 27 years and the last 10 struggling to keep my family together because I kept catching my H in affairs.  I just kept thinking "things" would get better and/or he would come to his senses....  I know, denial in the 1st degree.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to brighter days and reading/responding to posts on this wonderful network of caring people.

[mjr1]

Hello,

Today is the first day I found this site.  I was married for almost 17 years and we were High School Sweethearts.  We went together for 8 years before we got married.  So 25 years of our lives were together.  We have been divorced for almost 2 years.  Last May I lost my job of 21 years.  I was just starting to feel like I was getting my life back together and that happened.  I now travel an hour and 20 minutes each way to work.  My previous job was 5 minutes from home.  I was very active in community events and worked with the public.  Now I don't work with the public and have no time to be involved with the community.  I have two great children and it is very hard when I don't have them.  They go to their dad's a couple of nights a week and every other weekend.  I know I made the right decision getting divorced.  But I still have that if only feeling.  I hope a day will come where I am more at peace with the fact my marrieage didn't last forever.  Even though being divorced is hard - I want others to know that they deserve to be happy and treated well.  I want people to know they were not put in this world to fight and be treated without respect and love.  And - yes making the step to divorce is scaring and hard it is sometimes the only choice you have.  God Speed!

[Aim]

Welcome to HEO

[rpr]

Hello all and thank you!

New to this site, new to this whole divorce process and the flood of emotions that comes with it.  Just trying to cope with the resentment, guilt, frustration, anger, hopelessness, loneliness... need I go on?

Wife and I separated in our home in Sept. 05', I moved out in December 05' and have been in an Apartment since then.  She wanted the divorce.  We split the kids on a 2/2/3 arrangement more or less.  Struggling with a whole host of issues from getting through this process to the emotions to dating/relationships with new people, morality and the like. 

Waiting for her to file and looks like it will be me-she has not budged to do so.  Yes I am paying support even though I have not filed.  Part of my frustration.  Struggling with the need to get along, pay her CS vs. telling her to kiss my ass and file, then I'll pay-this has been going on since I moved out.

Looking to just air my thoughts and feelings-a lot more where this comes from.

Thanks 

[Gaeap]

Welcome rpr, You have definately came to the right place.  I should have came here a long time ago but better late then never.  We all here understand the rollar coaster of emotions that go on with the 'crud'.  My two cents in your situation would be to file the divorce and get it going.  Even if you don't want the divorce, prolonging it will only make the time go by that much slower.  Well keep posting and coming back.  Chow!

[figment]

Hello, I am brand new to the site and honestly never thought i would have to be on one. My husband laft me last Tuesday after only 9 months of marriage, his second, my first. I have been dealing with some serious health problems with my heart and he left the day he brought me home from surgery...So much for through sickness and in health. I am just now trying to accept that he is gone. He picked up everything today, and I am just having trouble dealing with it. I just can't stand to hear one more time that, "you may not see it now, but it is for the best". I can't see how the man that I still love being gone is for the best.

I just hope that by being on this site that i can find some other people that are going through the pain can give some advice on what to do to cope right now.

[momofthree]

Hi all. Oops I posted my first post without first introducing myself. sorry. My name is Jenny and I am the mother of three beautiful children. I am still just separated but I plan to file this summer. We have been separated for 2 years.

My husband and I grew apart. I never really knew why he and I were so distant and fought like cats and dogs. We had terrible TERRIBLE arguments where I wanted to KILL him. It was insane. He was a very controlling, manipulating, sarcastic, rude, conceited, and self centered man. He decided to inform me that he had been cheating on me with random women the entire length of our marriage. We were married 16 years. Apparently it was like a sport with him. He would go out with buddies and they would scope a girl out and take them home. Pathetic really. ANYWAY.... I'm glad that I foiund all this out after my love for him was already gone. Knowing this would have killed me had I known when I loved him. Looking back though, I see all the signs and he even had the nerve to point out details, so I would remember. oh brother..

anyway, Im glad to be here and Im hoping to get to know everyone.

Jenny

[barker2567]

Well I did as I see others have done ....seeked help (or an ear) before I took time to tell you about me...
I was married to a woman that I thought was so different from everyone else. She had been in a car accident and well we talked and I thought this was it after the marriage alot changed but we decided to try for a baby we got married and in 2003 my son was born I don't know if the stress of having a baby made my wife's mental frame different but she changed I left and she wouldn't allow me to see my son at all so I paid her every month without seeing my son but I couldn't take it anymore so I went back for the sake of my son to be his father. but needless to say she was never happy i didn't give her enough money I didn't work enough or I wasn't home enough. she would call me and tell me that she had gifts for me (my son's dirty diapers) that she would have waiting for me to change. She really would just flip.I finally left for good in Oct I just couldn't try anymore it was only getting worse. I know you don't know me but I am a very quiet laid back man I love my son more than life itself and so much want to be a father. I just don't know how to go about it . I don't have much luck my lawyer isn't a in your face kind of lawyer he just says over and over be happy with what I got (visitation wise) and every other lawyer wants thousands to help and I got hammered in the divorce and I can't afford so it's like I have to sit back and watch my life with my son go down the drain and what will happen to him if he is allowed to stay in this lifestyle... sorry for the long drawn out story ...and thanks for listening.(or reading that is)

[boot]

Decided to lurk around in the shadows for a while.............

[grendel]

Hmmm . . . . yeah I'm new. He's leaving June 1st. 23 years of marriage. Death by ambivalence. 2 children, last one leaving the house. Mixed feelings, relieved that its going to be over, sad for what it could have been. Stuck it out for the kids, seperated within the house for 18 months. counceling (that was not good) We did our best. Never wanted this for my children. But I found I had to do it for myself. What an odd feeling. Good man - I'm a good woman, no drama, girlfirends, or gambling.
Now we are trying to do the right thing - the kids are ok, soon to be X and I talk more than we ever have. We are both relieved and scared. We are trying to be considerate of each other. But the finances are next. Lawyers are involved and I dont want to let them have control of the situation to make it ugly. Going thru the emotions, thinking about it and accepting it. I wish I could be angry about something - but just sad. Don't know why I just cry for no reason though. X has gone thru the roller coaster - letting him and keeping quiet during the angry times. Trying to figure out me. . . . re claiming my life. . . . . figuring out what I need. Trying to be happy alone now that the decision has been made.   This sucks.  They say 2 years. . . . . hope thats not true.

[pjones]

HI,

I have been married 25 years and now have been asked to move out by my wife.  I am planning on doing so and have found a place. I am emotionally devastated and crying off and on and feel confused and keep wanting to beg her to take me back.  I have not had an affair but have been infatuated with another woman in the past, which she knows about.  I am a poor communicator and tend to not be very supportive, although I sometimes thinks she exaggerates that part.  She has almost alway made more money than me, so there are also financial issues  Please help.

[kksrose]

I have just found this site, and am hoping to find some support. My husband of 20 years walked out on the family 2 weeks ago, after telling us he was 'in love' with a young lady he met at work.  We are new to the area, and the few firends that I have made are at work, and that is not the proper place for this type of discussion. Which leaves me with no one to talk to. I have read it take about 3 years to get over a divorce... from this end that seems like forever.  Is there anything that I can do now, when the feelings overwhelm me?  I can't keep breaking down in front of the kids, the situation hurts them enought, they don't need to see mom crying everytime they turn around.
Any kind words... or just keep telling me it will get better...
thanks

[ms mc't]

pjones and kks.rose, I am sorry to hear both your stories. These are tough times for many of us, but you have definitely come to the right place for support, from people who have been all the way throught it, to those of us who have just started the process. Read through the threads, or post your own questions, I know you will each get something out of it.

((((Hugs)))) and prayers for you both.