Newbie Welcome (About HEO and about us)

[thru]

Hey girl!  It goes pretty good.   YOU sound great in your posts!  I hope that's what I'm hearing, at least!  Take good care.  Sorry it's the green teams out there today... I'm sure you'd have liked a little red white and blue!  Have a great rest of your weekend, and here's a big (((hug)))

thru baby

[thru]

Hey!  I just read my 'profile,' and I'm a NEWBIE!  Funny, I still feel like one.  So I guess that's appropriate! 

[Ocean Gal]

LOL...I am glad your not just fly by posting - how are the boys doing?

[thru]

they are fine ~ I'll pm you an update.  and yours?

[cantbeme]

sorry for posting before introducing myself


i am going thru tough time, in short, my wife cheated on me; not once but twice....she is in canada with her boyfriend...she is ready to come back for the kid sake but still thinks hurts me a lot with her talk. we had a major fight today when she started blaming me for everything and i was not able to control my anger:(

[cjweld]

HI THERE YEH I AM A NEWBIE CANNOT BELIEVE I AM HERE THOUGHT I HAD MARRIED THE ONE. ONLY BEEN MARRIED THREE MONTHS HE FILED FOR DIVORCE THEN TOLD ME REASON HE DOES NOT LOVE ME. WE HAVE NOT HAD ANY DISSAGREEMENTS OR ISSUES HE DOES NOT EVEN WANT TO DISCUSS THE PROBLEM I FEEL LIKE I HAVE HIT A WALL ANYONE OUT THERE TO TALK TO?

[Keik]

Hi, I'm a newbie. I've been separated from my husband for about 6 months, we were together for 13 years. I left him because he had a severe drug addiction and I got tired of trying to get him to stop, so I walked out.

Since then, I have been living with my father on a pull out sofa, waiting for my attorney to make something happen so I can move on with my life.  My soon to be ex has already hooked up with someone (an ex-girlfriend) and is moving her into my home.  When I left, he changed the locks on the doors and installed an alarm system so I can't even get back in to get my personal belongings, even though I am co-owner of the home.  I'm waiting for my lawyer to work out this issue, but she is not exactly setting the world on fire with her progress in this. 

Mostly I'm just depressed and frustrated.  I feel like my entire life is on the hook until this gets settled.

I want to try to find a local divorce support group.  I've never gone to a support group before, does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions as to how I can find one?

[bullshit]

you can always get the cops to accompany you to the house while you get your stuff. He can't keep you out.

[Elisa]

Hi everyone!  I am a newbie.
I initiated my divorce a few years ago.  My ex-husband did not want the divorce.  I was very angry with him at the time.  I thought life would be so much better getting a divorce.  Boy, was I ever wrong.  I miss him so much.  We started talking to each other a year and a half ago after I had a breakdown (after breaking off my engagement to a man I was engaged to for over a year).  He helped me through the worst year of my life.  Recently, I asked my ex-husband if there is a chance that we could someday get back together.  He said no.  I feel lost without him.  I regret the divorce.  We were married for 17 years.  I am currently living with a man I met in December.  We got engaged in December.  He wants to get married soon, but I am in no hurry to get married.  I would like my ex-husband back and I am devastated that he does not want me back.  I suffer from anxiety and depression and my biggest anxiety trigger is being alone.  Since my divorce, I have been in and out of bad relationships.  The man I am with now drinks everyday (not enough to get drunk, unless we are out somewhere on the weekends).  He also smokes, which concerns me because his mother has emphysema and she and I are afraid he will get that too.  I feel like I am a lost cause and that I will never be happy.  I am 44 years old.  I have such a negative attitude and I don't want to live like that anymore.  It is so engrained in me since childhood.  Thanks for listening.

[Little]

Good morning - served w/papers last week and while this is actually something I wanted I am still feeling sick - i have cried so much and lost quite a bit of weight in- could be relief, but could be the financial impact ahead. We are all still in the house (pretending there's not a pink elephant in the room) and so for now kids (16 & 10 1/2) have yet to be really affected. I don't know how we are going to afford this - 2 houses (..."you should have thought of that before.." ) certainly want my cake & eat it too... (can't i just build him a bathroom in the basement and he can live there as that's where  he spends most of his time?) oh well - will try to do this as civilly - as so far we are - as possible - thanks I look forward to reading more -

[Gaeap]

Hello all,  I too have posted before introducing myself but I guess we all come needing to vent.  I have been divorced for a little over 4 months, been separated for a year before that.  Me and my ex settled reasonably well togeather and didn't have many agreements.  We were able to do an uncontested divorce.  Our biggest sticking point was my plans to move out of the state when my oldest graduated high school.  I was able to get him to agree that it would be the best thing for the kids by trading him the ability to have his psycho girlfriend around our two children.  I wanted to stipulate that no significant others to be around the children (both boys, 8 and 12) during visitation.  He didn't want that, had to have his p*ssy so he agreed to let me move out of state.  The cool thing is, that the girlfriend did turn out pshyco after all and they were split up by the time our divorce was final.  I still laugh over that one.

I'm here really just for the support (and amusement I'm finding).  I have not taken this whole divorce thing very well.  I'm still very hung up on him and not in a sane frame of mind a lot of the time.  I find myself doing stupid shit in regards to the ex all the time.  I want to stop.  I want to stop being angry.  I want to stop hurting.  I want to stop loving/hating him.  It's all about extremes with me.  Either he's great or a bastard.  I get the same feeling about myself.  It's just all craziness.  How long does it go on?

We were married for 11 years and togeather for 14.  His drinking is what broke us up.  I guess it's good that we are apart, cause the drinking has gotten worse and he is violent now where he NEVER was before.

How can smart individuals who know and can see whats happening to them, continue to do the stupid shit thats killing them.

Well thanks for being here all!

G

[write]

I'm a freelance writer and am doing an article about divorced couples who live together for the Chicago Tribune real estate section. Article will focus on reasons, such as financial, children, etc, how it's working out, the upside, drawbacks, etc. I'd like to use at least three examples, preferably mainly in Chicago area if you know of anyone. But if anyone fits this category, I hope to hear from you. Thanks very much



Chuck

[ToMoJac]

Hi,
I just stumbled across this site. My husband of 15 years informed me 2 days after Christmas he wasn't happy and was moving out. I later found out he was having an affair and instead of moving in with his mom like he told us, he moved in with his girlfriend. I filed for divorce already. Sometimes I think I acted too fast but when he said he was not willing to try and reconcile I figured I should get it over with as soon as possible. We have three children and he has never been very involved with them. Now he is trying to be super dad and says it is because he is feeling guilty. He is just really confusing me a lot.

ToMoJac

[DMEH]

Welcome to Helping Each Other aka HEO.  This is a wonderful place to find peace and comfort during some of the most difficult days.  It is also a place to ask questions and receive answers.  As many of us have found it's also a place for finding lifetime friends who live many miles apart and share in the good and bad times.  Many of us have met in person and have continued expanding our on line family.

This thread's purpose is to introduce each of us and to provide a newbie helpful suggestions on dealing with the "crud" that comes with divorce.  

If you are a newbie please post a new thread to let us welcome you individually and to post replies to you.  As more newbies find HEO this welcome thread should be a way for newbies to get to know each of us and find comfort in some of the suggestions.  Last I looked at the previous board there were over 450 registered members.  If we all conversed in this thread it would become quite lengthy.

About me, I myself stumbled across HEO about 6 years ago now.  HEO at that time had a different format.  But as the family grew the board also had to keep up with technology.  And I find that many of us have learned a lot from each other. 

When I came to HEO I first lurked.  I tried to read up as much as I could to make me feel like I was not the only person who had or was experiencing the painful hurt that divorces can bring on.  I began to post and that helped tremendously.  Airing your feeling to those who can offer a fresh and sometime rational opinion when you feel totally irrational does help.  Sometimes you just want to vent.  Many times the posts had nothing to do with problems of the day.  Sometimes I would just ask for a joke or a funny to cheer me up.  And knowing you had people that you could talk to anytime was a wonderful feeling.  Of course many sleep during your  night so sometimes you would have to wait a bit.  But there was always someone who was around pretty quickly if you posted you were in need. 

Seems like in the more recent days there are less people who were around when I first came to HEO.  That's ok.  But sometimes it's such a treat to have an oldie like me pop in and say hello.

Please stay around and join our family.

I plan to edit this post and add some helpful thoughts on when you are going through the crud. I remember having posted it on the old board but to recreate the post I will need to take some time.

Please everyone else join me in welcoming any newbies by telling your story, offering advice. etc.

Oh and food for thought-- the actual marriage isn't what makes the relationship.  It's the relationship that makes the marriage.

[DMEH]

I am new to a chat forum but ran across this website while surfing. I am in desperate need of help getting through this time (crud) in my life. I have been married for 31 years and my husband or whatever he is called right now have been together forever. I found out about his affair with my best friend or so called best friend on Dec. 13 which was the end of my marriage. He never told me he didn't love me nor did he tell my he was unhappy. He told me he was going through a tough time because he was turning 50 years old and felt like he couldn't do the same things as he did when he was younger. I felt like something was going on between the two of them but when I asked him about it he told me no and that he loved me and why would I say such a thing. Anyway I knew. He actions did not go along with his words but Had no proof until I found an e-mail in the delete box on our home computer. Anyway it is a pathetic story to say the least. I never had any reason not to trust him or her ever, but I though even if she tried something he loved me and there would be no way he would give into her. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Anyway I find myself now three months into this and the beginning of a divorce not knowing what to do and dealing with a million emotions from one extreme to the other. I feel like I am in the forrest lost and not knowing which way to go so I sit and cry. I know time is a great healer but I just want the pain and hurt to stop so I can go on with my life. If he choose her over me and our family and friends so be it. But it still hurts and I still wonder how they could do such a thing to me and our family. I am destroyed and so is my family. It no longer is what it used to be nor or any of us. When I wake every morning I ask God why He let me wake up. Why could I not just die and be over with all of this. Everyday it is the same pain and agony of betrayal, lying, cheating, manipulation and a broken heart from both of them. I know I am not the first to feel this way and I am sure I won't be the last, but right now I feel hopeless and helpless and lost.