alimony question for Lee

[Shadow]

If I asked you this before please forgive me. This is a case where the wife with no formal education, I'm going to start back after the divorce, quit her good job @ husbands request to stay home and raise his small children, loosing ground in todays constantly changing & fast paced job market while the husband continues in his very successful career. I've done all that was required of me & so much more in this marriage. With 2 children (I don't know if that makes a difference) how much alimony IF the judge were to award it do you think I could be looking at and for approximately how long in your professional opinion? He makes 75k annually. I was told by 2 attorneys he will probably have to pay until I can finish my degree or get some form of job training, that he will have to help me get started back in the work force at a standard of living a little higher than let's say...welfare?! They never told me how could possibly get. I want some kind of ball park figure so I will have that info. when my stbx and I try work out our hopefully uncontested divorce.

[Lee Borden]

I'm not going to speculate. Go back to one of those attorneys who already know the facts of your case and your judge, and ask them this question. They should be able to give you some broad parameters, but even they are not going to give you the level of certainty you're seeking. Alimony really is a guessing game.

[needhelp]

Factors that are considered: length of marriage, age of kids (in school?), time out of the work force, ability to work (health issues?), misbehaviour of either party.

But... the bottom line.... what kind of mood your judge is in that day.

[Dallas]

Alas and alack, Roy Cohn may have been right when he said "I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is."

Dallas

[Shadow]

I'm referring to rehabilitative alimony. I remember once I gave it some thought that I asked all 3 attorneys I've talked with in the last 4 to 5 months and not one of them gave me any answer other than "it's up to the judge", "I don't know" or  my personal favorite "we'll have to figure out that one later". I guess they want to save info. to make certain there will be a return visit. Is there any kind of chart that this question is based on or do judges just pull an amount out of their hats?

[m_t]

I guess they want to save info. to make certain there will be a return visit. Is there any kind of chart that this question is based on or do judges just pull an amount out of their hats?

Alimony - if awarded - is not set on any sort of guideline. It is an extremely individual situation, and no lawyer in his/her right mind would quote you a figure or even a range that you'd be likely to get. Yes, they'd likely figure out what to ask for later, when they have more information from each party - not to ensure a return visit, but because there are too many variables to be covered in an initial consultation. But any lawyer who'd give you a number that you're going to get, or even likely to get, is a lawyer you should run from.

[Dallas]

I'm referring to rehabilitative alimony. ...

You may not get rehabilitative alimony.

Dallas

[Lee Borden]

I guess I'm a little more willing to commit than M_T. If I visit with a client and can understand what arguments the judge is likely to hear on both sides, I'm okay offering some kind of range on alimony. But the basic point remains: there are no guidelines or rules, and it's a matter of looking at what the judge has done with similar cases in the past.

[Shadow]

I'm not asking for anything written in stone. Brings home over 1k a week, no credit cards(cash for everything), just mortgage, cable etc. & 2 kids. I lost my "spot" in the work force for 9 yrs. @ his request to raise his girls, being a work horse, doing EVERYTHING for him. Lot's of other juicy info. I will spare you of but makes this one very different. Nothing I did though! If the judge had a good breakfast, well rested & is fair minded, in there anyone out there in this cosmic void that may have heard of a similar case where the wife got 100$, 200$, 300$ a month? Just wanted some small idea what to even possibly, in a dreamlike fantasy world to think on. We're going to try uncontested so I need some sort of value on my head to go with. The attorneys I've consulted have all said something to the effect of "this is one for the record books". Just my luck to have an interesting divorce! Nothing about it is typical! I have to get this over with as soon as possible. My sanity is hanging by a thread, more than usual.

[Piedpiper]

If all you're looking for is a number to "small idea what to even possibly, in a dreamlike fantasy world to think on"...  then I'd suggest zero.  Count on and expect to get not a single penny ordered.  Plan around it and get used to it.
Expect nothing but hope for the best.

[livealittle]

and keep in mind that even if it's ordered, getting it may be another matter entirely......

[myirish5]

my advice is to request in alimony what you need to support yourself and 2 kids. whatever that figure is - take out what the state guidelines for child support are - and you have your figure of what you need to get by until you are able to work part time/or full time. your alimony plus your child support should be enough income to meet your basic non luxury living expenses. if you don't have any other source of income - you will struggle to get by. even if you get what you need - it will be far from what your normal living costs were as an intact family - and you will struggle but at least be able to cope.

JFYI - if you don't ask for it - you won't get it.

if you ask for what you need - you will likely get less than that but more than you would have had you asked for less than you need. JMHO.

[Jade]

my advice is to request in alimony what you need to support yourself and 2 kids. whatever that figure is - take out what the state guidelines for child support are - and you have your figure of what you need to get by until you are able to work part time/or full time. your alimony plus your child support should be enough income to meet your basic non luxury living expenses. if you don't have any other source of income - you will struggle to get by. even if you get what you need - it will be far from what your normal living costs were as an intact family - and you will struggle but at least be able to cope.

JFYI - if you don't ask for it - you won't get it.

if you ask for what you need - you will likely get less than that but more than you would have had you asked for less than you need. JMHO.

Actually, child support should not be included in alimony at all as that is not tax deductible to the one paying it.  Alimony is. 

[myirish5]

the amount someone should request for alimony if they have no personal income other than their spouse -  is the total cost of their monthly expenses MINUS expected monthly child support. i'm not sure why there is some big mystery to this calculation and why women are not instructed by their attornies how to calculate their monthly expenses/needs/ and alimony figure.

for example - if your monthly expenses for yourself and the care of your 2 kids are 5000. and you expect to get 3000. in child support per month and you have no other income - then you need to request 2000. per month in alimony.

yes, the alimony is taxable to the recipient. child support is not taxable to the recipient. so yes, if you receive 24,000. per year in alimony - you will have to pay taxes on that money as income. however, you will be in the lower income bracket and likely not have to pay more than 15% tax on that alimony unless you have other sources of income that tax year from other divorce settlement monies ie. you liquidate your share of the 401K or pension which would be considered taxable income for that year.

unfortunately, i think alot of women who have been stay at home moms during the marriage for more than 5 years - by the mutual agreement of their spouse and themselves - tend to suffer from low self esteem and have a great deal of guilt asking for things (especially money) that they need. i'm not sure why women undervalue the role they play and the sacrifices they make to their life, career, job, and earning potential when they agree to stay at home to take on the role of full time parent, household manager, cook, servant to the family, launderess, chaufer, nurse, teacher, landscaper, and the millions of other roles that a stay at home parent takes on.

people who have been out of the workforce for 5+ years are at a great disadvantage in their chosen careers/profession/job and they often need to be educated, retrained, updated with the changes in the workforce that took place during their absence. child care issues on returning to work are profound and if you don't have extended family to assist you - you are at a great disadvantage because there are many days your children are sick, on school holiday, on half day, on vacation or on summer leave from school - if you are working part time or full time - these costs can be very high and hard to find appropriate and safe child care.

no woman who has chosen with their spouse to be the stay at home parent - should feel guilty or bad about requesting alimony to supplement the child support so that they can continue to nurture, provide for and care for their family. most successful men whose careers have flourished as a result of their ability to focus their full attention on their career and not having to worry about their childrens' care or their household management because their wife is home 24/7  - if they were being honest with themselves - would admit they would not be where they are today - if they hadn't had a wife at home and mother to their children - that was providing for their families care 24/7 so that they could put their career first. if it was an agreed upon partnership whereby one partner is home 24/7 to a manage the children and household - then that role has as much value as the role of the partner who is in the workforce earning a cash income.

obviously both partners will have to make sacrifices in the post separation period leading to divorce - however, it is unrealistic and hurtful to the children involved - to expect a stay at home mom to immediately go out and earn independently an income adequate for suvival of the family. thus the importance of alimony  because there is no way at the current state mandated child support levels and with the number of delinquent child support payments - that the family would be able to survive without it. and if they are expected to - the federal government is the one who will be paying for the family to survive in the form of welfare , food stamps, and other federally funded programs to support the impoverished.

[pcake726]

I am common law married to my former husband of 15 years.  We were divorced in 97.  I have taken care of the children and home, as he in sales, for years now.

I am a retired disabled elementary teacher with SSDI.

Recently he has been inferring maybe I should get an apartment.  Don't know what this is leading up to.
Will be difficult to afford apt. on my income.

Would I be entitled to alimony in case this happens? 

Our children are teenagers, and they are the reasons our problems have escalated to this point.  They are disobeying, running over me.  He mentioned that, saying I can't handle them.