Just having a chit chat

[TATI]

I was suppose to go to a wedding yesterday but couldn't bear answering questions.  So I didn't go. 
Most of my friends are my friends which makes it so much easier.
When I was at his house I went through the computer and read all the eamails that he sent to people.  What a pack of lies.  But he didn't want anyone to know about her.  He was going to produce her a a dear friend who always wanted to travel europe and since he had sooo much space he kindly offered her a place to lay her head and travel like she always wanted.  That is just so sweet.  But they all know the truth now. The truth is out there!
Lost you have a great day.  Hugs to ya

[Wolfy]

sorry you had a tough time, lost. I know my relatives are mad at my stbx and some days I am too. The hard part is that I think the stbx thinks she's doing the right thing even if others think its wrong.

[TATI]

You don't have to hate him.  I don't hate my stbx.  I have no respect for him at all but I don't hate him.  In some ways I even feel sorry for him.  Bottom line is you own your feelings and only you know what they are.  We are all so different and our life experiences with our stbx's will dictate how we feel about them now. 

[Wolfy]

Now is your chance to show them the truth.

[shaggymag]

Hey lost,
I just kind of thought that maybe I might like to have been a little Barbie Doll bimbo once in my life, and I should probably emphasis the "little" part.   Maybe I'll come back in my next life as one just to see how it is.  When I was a kid we didn't even have Barbie's....My stbx probably would have liked me with the t&a's of Barbie..Damn I'm in bad shape if I'm jealous of a Mattel doll.....

[TATI]

I was a princess too.  And then I think I fell off the thrown.  Everything I wanted I got and more.  But they were just things,.  And I now see a means of controlling me.  It was. so hard at the beginning for him to treat me like I was nothing.  But now I know why

[shaggymag]

If I had a thrown, I probably fell off too, but long time ago.  I never perceived myself as a princess although I never lacked for anything really, but his psychological abuse and his controlling attitude toward me was witnessed for a gazillion years by our close friends.  I hear it all now.  I fell totally into denial.  I had material things but whenever I wanted anything out of the ordinary I would always have to ask and then almost make a confession as to why I needed money for that whatever it might have been.  Again, he always came up with it, but the humiliation of having to ask and explain is something I look at now as a very big flaw in the marriage.  I don't miss that at all these past months.  I also found out these past months that over the years I would validate things to my friends with comments like he would rather I didn't do that, or he really likes doing that with me....I can't do that because he wouldn't like it...you get the pic
As I look back tho, I just was never good enough, never savvy enough, slim enough,organized enough, vibrant enough when necessary yada yada.  Sure hope his whore is all of those and then some.

[shaggymag]

ditto lost....I've even sunk so low I thought I'd put my new place up for sale and move in with my youngest kid....EEEEEEEKKKKK....That's a really fucking stupid idea.  I'd wind up killing myself for sure

[shaggymag]

easy for me to say lost cause I don't have anybody to worry about except ME but focus on staying in control for those kids....I don't envy you youngun's at all.  Both my girl's have BTDT but suprisingly they hung tough for the kids and my grandkids are pretty good in spite of everything so if it's any consolation, know that they need you as whole as you can possibly be at this shitty time in our lives, and try to make them the important aspect of your life right now.  Try to laugh with them once a day and never put them to bed angry.  Both of my girls, to this day, read to their kids before bed ie if they're young, or if they're a little older sit and have a talk with them about anything that they've done during the day.....If you have teens, Granny throwns in the towel...they're beyond me anymore..I try and give my kids one day a month for them, as a couple, to do something and I watch the kids, sometimes overnite, sometimes just for the evening....Is there someone that you can ask to give you a break?   Yes you need one.....I'm glad I'm past that stage and can be ever so self indulged ME.  I know you gals have it rough...SEnd em over to Grandma Shaggy.....

[shaggymag]

Hey lost,
Wow you have a span of kids there....I know the hotel feeling and I've had my oldest back at home living with me several times.  She's now 40 going on 2...Luv her dearly but she's a bit of a ditz...Mine both live 5 min. from me.  I live on pins aned needles that at any time they'll need to move into the new digs with me and if that happens, you'll never hear another word out of my mouth because I'll join the Japanese in the art of hari kari....
I have never learned not to give and the word No has only been a part of my vocab recently because there are days now that if I don't say no, I'm not sure I'd survive..AGain tho, I have that option, I'm a senior citizen, raised my kids, tried to keep the marriage going, find myself on shit row and I worry that at some point, since my kids can barely take care of themselves most of the time, that I'm going to melt away without anyone even knowing.
If you can afford to hire someone even for housework, do it.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  I still think of asking for help as a sign of weekness and a lack of brain power....STUPID..The teenage part is long past my expertise but my grandkids is 8.  Anything I can say to help ask send a PM if you want any time...I was a teacher for many years, just don't ask me about algebra.....Thinkin of you, Shaggy

[TATI]

This is a tough ole haul.  Taking one day at a time seems like a good idea.  This separation thing is so very stressful.  I went over the stress meter list and had like ten items on the list happen to me in the last six months.  I have been talking to him out loud all day.  Along the lines of I hate you you fucking bastard.  I know I said I didn't hate him but that was yesterday.  Today I hate him.  I took the dog for a walk on the beach this morning and it was so very beautiful.  And then I got an email from a friend that said that prickface is going to take out eu citizenship so that he won't have to pay me support.  Today I so want him to pay, for everything.  Shaggy, I'm already in the vino

[shaggymag]

Way to go girl...Read my latest post.....We may have found a real connection.....Can I say it but I've discovered something I never thought I could in my 65 plus years, people I can say honest things to and not have anyone moralizing over me or judging my motives, my speech, my reactions to things, only in a way as to make things better for me...Can't even tell you what it means and if you guys aren't for real please burst my Cinderella bubble since I think that's what I was living in the past 45yrs. but if this is the real world....thank you god and all that I've found it... Hope I won't let anyone down....
Wish I still had the dog to take for a walk, Tati, and my beach isn't that far away...Maybe I'll get myself over there to take a walk one of these days soon....It's always so cleansing....

[TATI]

Oh, I just saw the insert quote thing.  I think I learned something new.  Now I have to try it. Go to the beach Shaggy.  It is cleansing.  this morning there was a gentle mist rising up from the ocean and the mountains rose behing the mist. Just a few sail boats out, sunny, it was perfect.  And I have the cutest puppy whom everyone stops to chat with.  I am truly blessed to be living here.  I guess life is not all bad.  And I put the baseboards back in place in the laundry room after I had it tiled.  I am now an official toolgirl. 

[TATI]

TO is a  great city.  Love it there.  The had part about moving here was the pace is so slow.  Brussels what a hustle bustle city and I loved it.  But yu can love more than one thing and I love it here.  The downside is houses are so expensive.   It use to be just a quiet retirement community but not anymore.  Houses are going up everywhere along with the housing prices.  I am busy updating to sell next summer but I will only get half of the selling price which will make it difficult to get into the market.  Right now I live in a primo area in a great big house.  I can sit on my deck with nothing but mountains in front of me.  I guess I just have to appreciate that I had it and learn to let go. It will be really hard though.  It might make me angry again.

[TATI]

I will definitely stay here, just in something very much smaller.  We have agreed that I can stay here until next summer. I am hoping that the reno's will be finished by the end of October and i can just enjoy it for awhile.  He told me I juist needed to lower my expectations.  Ha