What happens to support payments when one of two children move in with the other

[Sad Mom]

I have had so many diifferent answers to my questions...I'm hoping for some help that maybe someone has been in the same situation...My ex stopped making support payments and being self employed says his business is not doing well...being a single mom the support was a big help for my two daughters ( i'm currently taking matters to help cover his past payments )...Since this happen I had to cut back on everything (no phone, no tv and the girls have been left to cope with very little wihile I struggle to make ends meat...My youngsest daughter (12) was bribed by her father to go and live with him and he would provide her with everything she wants ( oh yes with the money he says he doesn't have) he is remarried and his wife who says buys her everything, new clothes computer...own bedroom ect. and my other daughter was left to sleep on the sofa) I agreed to let her go as she said she missed him so and he was never really there for her but he is her dad and that was important to be with him at this time in her life and I think she did it to make it easier on me but we agreed that she wouold stay there for one year and return home to start high school as he live 25 minutes away....but now he says that since she is living with him that we each have one child so he does not have to pay support again for either child...does he not have to pay for our other daughter that is living with me full time... which means he will neve pay support agian..I hope someone can help because I'm at the point where the older daughter is being told by her dad that I have to pay for her for now on...can he do this..he hasn't gone to court would he not have to pay still for one daughter...please help...should I have my daughter come back and fight for the money that  he owes me...Sad Mom who lost her daughter to greed....

[Lee Borden]

I have several responses as I read your post. First, and most importantly, you haven't "lost your daughter," and your saying that you have is disturbing. Make sure that you continue to spend time with both your children. Despite the choices they've made, they need both parents.

Second, states (and judges within states) vary in how they approach situations like yours, where the parents ignore the court order and then ask the court to pretend they compled. Some judges would say to Dad, "it's interesting but only interesting where you say your daughter has been living. What matters to this court is that you were ordered to pay $X per month in child support. You've paid $X-Y, so now you owe Y plus interest." Other judges would muddle through some kind of backdated adjustment of the child support. You won't know how your judge would approach it until you visit with your lawyer about it.

Even if your judge is one who wants to give Dad credit for having a child live with him, you should explore two other arguments: (1) that Dad is voluntarily underemployed and that his income should be imputed at a higher level, and (2) that his income exceeds yours even now and that therefore he should pay some child support because of the differential.

For the benefit of others reading this, let me highlight a caution from it. There's really no such thing, at least for most judges, as a "temporary" change in custody. When a child goes to live with another parent "for one year and then return home," they've really gone to live with the other parent. I'm not saying you shouldn't do that. I am saying that when you do, don't rely on any right for the arrangement to end.