Child Support - What does it cover?

[MFMRLL]

I am the NCP and my ex is the CP.

I pay a lot of CS to my ex for our teenage son.

As info, my ex also bought a brand new truck last month and is currently without a job, due to being fired.

Over the last two months, my ex started trying to live outside of a reasonable lifestyle.  My ex is asking me to pay half for unreasonable and very expensive name brand things like clothing, shoes, haircuts, and even a very expensive skateboard for our son.  I simply cannot afford to buy myself a $150 shirt or an $80 haircut, let alone buy them for my son.

I was under the understanding that the money I pay for CS is supposed cover basic living expenses.  I have refused to pay half, as our divorce papers indicate that I am responsible for half of medical expenses not covered by health insurance and half of school expenses.

My ex told our son that I refused to pay half, so my son got mad at me.  I started having my son listen to the Clark Howard financial advice radio show.  I grew up poor and lived off of Salvation Army clothing until I graduated college.  I want my son to appreciate things and get rid of this spoiled rotten entitlement mentality given to him by my ex.


Am I doing the right thing?

What do you recommend?

[TC]

This is a touchy subject that can lead to many disputes.

Here is the bottom line:  Your CS payments are ment to ensure the child sustains the lifestyle they had prior to the divorce.  Most often, normal CS payments do not fulfill that requirement..and that is in a good divorce where both parents are responsible and reasonable.  CS does not consider things like extra carricular activities, recreation, summer camp, etc. etc. etc.

On the other hand, it is quite common for divorced parents to disagree on what is a "need" as compared to what is a "want."  For instance, if it is the middle of the winter and the winter coat your child wore last year no longer fits, it would be a "need" to buy a new one and you may very well might share in that responsibility.  On the other hand, if the new coat request is based on the child's wanting to be like everyone esle....not so much.

Your job as a parent is to make sure your child's "needs" are met.  When it comes to "needs" even if you do pay CS, it is still your responsibility.

Wants on the other hand are a matter of personal choice.  Your ex cannot hold you accountable for "wants." though she may well try.

As for how she spends her money...you have no say and no control over that....even if you are paying CS...even if you suspect she is using that CS on herself....you still have no say.

TC

[livealittle]

http://www.divorcesupport.com/divorce/What-does-child-support-cover--1147.html

[MFMRLL]

TC,
Thank you for the clarification.  In this case, we have been divorced for years and then suddenly showering our son with all 'wants', not 'needs'.  I always chip in and share costs for shoes, winter jacket, and even tux rental for jr. prom, but this name brand shopping spree has become pretty frustrating.

Livealittle,
Thanks for the link.  That's what I figured.


Thank you both!

[m_t]

You are not required to pay anything more than what is specified in the court order. Anything beyond that is at your will. Additionally, as long as basic housing, food and clothing is provided, it is unlikely that a court would allow you to have any say in how she spends her CS.

[TC]

You are not required to pay anything more than what is specified in the court order. Anything beyond that is at your will. Additionally, as long as basic housing, food and clothing is provided, it is unlikely that a court would allow you to have any say in how she spends her CS.

And THIS is a very subjective call.  My ex refused to work, lived off my CS and welfare for years....and I couldn't do a thing about it...not a thing.

TC

[NoLongerLost]

TC is right, responsible parents working together make life a lot easier for everyone, especially the kids.

Child support in AL is calculated on a percentage basis. Income is combined, number of children is calculated, then each person's income is calculated by percentage. My husband pays approximately %66 of the amount of money the court has decided it takes for a child to live on his and his ex's income. That leaves her being responsible for %34 of the child's expenses.

No where does it say that child support covers everything a child does or needs. In my husband's case there are two working parents, but she feels that he should be responsible for ALL child's bills, which is unrealistic. My step daughter at least does realize that mom will have to have a car, an apartment, etc. even after she is gone, so not all of the money is to keep a "roof over her head." Mom/dad need a "roof" whether kids are at home or not. The problem comes in when a parent spends most of child support money on themselves, or spends it foolishly, then when the kids are gone they don't have enough money to live on. I have known MULTIPLE moms that have done this. They have lost homes, cars, and even businesses living on their child's support money for years instead of "investing" in the children. It is so sad.

I know kids are expensive, I was a single mom, but it sure didn't take $800 a month for my daughter to have a good life. I received $200 month. My ex helped with extra curricular to a point, but I also tried to be considerate since he had three other children. It's too bad not all parents are reasonable.