Crisis Center Recommends I Post Here?

[Phoenix]

How old is your boy?

[InDenial]

No, I didn't take drugs because I am scared of the zombie effect it had on a friend of mine. She walks around completely 'out of it'. I was scared of loosing my creative side so I didn't even start. I am about to get my fix in about an hour.

Different meds affect different people differently. Just because your friend had a bad experience, doesn't mean you will. A LOT of people take various a/d meds w/o being zoned out.

I think the original poster may have bi-polar disease, and I cannot speak to the drugs used to treat that.

For the anti-depressant type medications I tried -- Lexapro and Cymbalta -- I did not notice any "zombie" effect whatsoever.  I did notice some numbing from a tranquilizer-type medication my doctor tried me on first.

For people trying anti-depressants (and I can't say whether they are at all appropriate for the original poster) it's important to remember that it may take some time for you and your doctor to find the right dose and right medication.  The medical studies show that all the different drugs work to some degree for the majority of people. However medicial science -- currently -- can't predict which one will happen to work best FOR YOU.  With the first one I tried I felt about 75% better, and the second one more like 95% better.  The side effects were different as well.

[teddybear]

I recommend the Holy Spirit and the side effects are 100 percent positive.  Nothing complicated but oh so very effective.

[m_t]

How long has he been cared for by others? Why can't his Dad care for him?

[Stephy]

Was wondering that too.

[ladybugcurley]

How long has he been cared for by others? Why can't his Dad care for him?

About 3 months now. Dad has own personal issues due to work and financial stress plus incoming surgery. Worse, counsellor wants to cancel my appointment for this afternoon. I am back on a low again and can't sleep. It's 1 am our time. Been searching for a place to go dance cumbia. Not in the mood to do my master's homework because I can't concentrate.

Thankfully I can get to a dance club 2 hours from where I live tonight and hopefully at a place where "friends" can't find me! It is also my birthday and I am deeply perturbed because I had planned to spend my birthday with the group of friends who are now cajoling around with the ex. That's not going to happen now. Once again I am feeling completely abandoned BUT I want to stay strong and fight the urge to contact any of them. I need to completely severe myself from this guy and I know TIME will help. Me from wanting to get in touch with them because I miss my group and the ex, so that he can stop trying to manipulate and gather information from my "friends".

[Stephy]

This dance partner is not in any way your "ex."  That shit needs to stop right now.  You've got a lot of work to do.  I suspect it's why you're not happy in your marriage.  Get a grip on yourself.  Sorry to sound harsh, but you need it.  Best of luck, and WTF are you doing??  Makes zero sense to me.  Get your shit together, take care of you and the kid.

You need to "dance" for yourself and your kid.  Not literally.  Get your poop in a group and figure out what's really important.  Honestly, you are kinda pissing me off right now.  Dance fix and the people involved, or your marriage and kid?  YOU choose. 

2x4 delivered, and you can choose to feel victimized by it, or take it as the BONK you need.  You will get that around here, and if you're strong enough to take it, you'll be glad for it.  Stay strong.

[m_t]

Uuuuhhh... I think the breakdown of any long-term relationship can evoke many of the same reactions & feelings as a divorce. So I can understand refering to him as an "ex". However, I do think the intensity of ladybug's emotions regarding her (dance) partner may well have significant negative impact on your marital relationship.

To be honest, ladybug, the situation with your son disturbs me. Many of us here are parents and have gone through some very trying times - both in our personal and professional lives, often concurrently. But the kids should always come first. How does he feel that neither of his parents are apparently willing or able to put aside their needs/desires for his well-being? As well cared for as he might be, he would probably rather be home with one of you. Something to think about.

Another thing that I find interesting is your avoidance of the numerous characterizations of your dancing as an addiction. Is that something you've discussed with your therapist? Because, really, to go to the lengths you are for your "fix" (to use your own word) does indicate an addiction. Which isn't healthy. Not for you, and not for your son. Another something to think about.

[ladybugcurley]

Another thing that I find interesting is your avoidance of the numerous characterizations of your dancing as an addiction. Is that something you've discussed with your therapist?

Therapist wants to cancel my first appointment with her. I am trying to keep it together by doing what I have to to keep sane. Dance partner is no longer what is causing pain and hurt feelings. I am having those cursed hurt feelings again right now, at this very moment. Yes, I am addicted to dance BUT it is also my career and means for living. I have many scheduled shows for dance appearances where I GET PAID TO DANCE AND PROVIDE DANCE DEMONSTRATIONS.

How do I do that without a dance partner? I have many routines that the ex and I worked out, practiced and just know. How do I earn a living next year? How will the bills get paid? How do I magically find another to take his place AND learn the routines? My next scheduled show is December 5th which I have to cancell. THAT IS LOST INCOME! How much do I get paid? That's $300-$500 per gig (about 30 minutes dance).

I hope this helps you guys understand my situation better. I have been up thinking about the routines and how I should be rehearsing right now to get ready for the show. My private dance studio is empty. I cannot bear look in there either until I find someone to dance with me. I am feeling the loss and the inactivity.....

[H0$$]

Why did you get married and have children if all you want to do is dance and be gone? I'm going to withhold what I really think about the whole thing but the term sick puppy comes to mind.

[TC]

Wait a friggin minute here!

I missed most of this yesterday/last night so just getting caught up....did I read right, you have a child who you have effectively dumped on your parents/family so you can go off and do what you want for you?  Sorry, I have HUGE issues with that!  This child deserves much better and in my opinion, should definately take priority over any of the issues you have posted here...especially the drivel about the loss of a dancing partner.

I said it before and I will say it again...you have some serious issues...very serious and I sincerely hope you find some help soon.  I'd recommend you start by figuring out how to be a mother.

TC 

[ladybugcurley]

Why did you get married and have children if all you want to do is dance and be gone?

I was already a dancer when I met my husband. I lived in Africa, Asia, Europe and now here. I was introduced to the stage and production at 4 years old. I fell in love with my husband and thought I could become a happily married woman without dance. It worked for about 5 years but the desire and the need came back, slowly at first but now with a vengeance. My husband does not dance at all and has no desire or interest in what I do. This caused the rip. We both agree that I should have married a dancer.

[m_t]

I missed in an earlier reading that it was your birthday. I hope you made it a good one.

I think we all realize that this is your income base. Fact is, a lot of people are under the same sort of gun. School, work, kids. Sometimes, something has to give. IMO, the last part of the equation that should "give" is the kids.

I'm going to withhold other comments for now as I know they'll come out the wrong way if I express them now.

[m_t]

Why did you get married and have children if all you want to do is dance and be gone?

I was already a dancer when I met my husband. I lived in Africa, Asia, Europe and now here. I was introduced to the stage and production at 4 years old. I fell in love with my husband and thought I could become a happily married woman without dance. It worked for about 5 years but the desire and the need came back, slowly at first but now with a vengeance. My husband does not dance at all and has no desire or interest in what I do. This caused the rip. We both agree that I should have married a dancer.

Dang it all - now I HAVE to reply to this.

I don't giving a flying rat's patootie about your husband. I really don't. He made a choice - as did you - and it works or it doesn't. i DO however care about that little boy, who is raised by others while you apparently can find the time to go gallivanting all over creation for a "fix" instead of making his day and spending your birthday with HIM. HE didn't choose to be born into your life - YOU made that choice. And now YOU have made the choice to not raise him. Yeah, I have a big problem with that. A really big problem. You need to rethink your priorities.

As for your therapist? If she can't see you? Find another.

[ladybugcurley]

I'd recommend you start by figuring out how to be a mother.

My son lives with me. He goes to school and comes home with his dad. We do things together. Tonight I will be at his science fair. We plan on taking him to Disneyland for 3 days for his birthday. We have a family reunion first week of December at a ranch. We are having Thanksgiving together, just my son, his dad, me, mother-in-law and a few friends. I arrange for my son's friends for sleepovers despite my sorrows. I arrange for my son to visit friend's kids so that he can play his DS and Play Station with them. Is this being a good mother?

Christmas, we are planning on visiting his grandparents. Did I mention I am pretty good with many of his DS games and compete with him? I am also trying to create a Zoo using the Zoo Tycoon software to compete with his thriving Zoo online. We recently came back from a camping trip at Oregon last July 4th and from a Cruise to Alaska for 9 days. You see, I can only function when I am dancing.