Crisis Center Recommends I Post Here?

[ladybugcurley]

According to the Crisis Center, I am actually going through a divorce but I am not divorcing a husband (though that may happen too). I am going through a crisis due to the sudden loss of not one, but several 'friends' all at once. I am alone. I am depressed. I feel abandoned. I feel betrayed. I am disappointed that so called 'friends' have no heart to come and comfort me. Instead, they fly away and flock to the man who has caused all this misery. How do you get over a pain and sorrow so deep it that it hurts to live? How do you guys eat, sleep, function? It has been almost 3 weeks since this man began his 'revenge' and a week since me friends withdrew from me. He stalked me, harrassed me, called me 20-25 times a day and when I told him I was going to the report him to the police, he cajole, charmed, courted my friends by playing the victim role. What do I do to stop my mind and heart from hurting? I am desperate. Help.

I am divorcing a dance partner of 6 years.

I know that all these happened due to my decision to finally be free of a dance partner of 6 years but he has managed to ensure that I suffer the consequences the best way he knew how. He knows that I NEED to social dance on my birthday. He is empowered knowing that he can make that day as painful as he can by taking away friends, dance and dance partners from me. He knows that I love dancing with people who are beyond beginners and hate having to ask strangers to dance with me. I already went through that and it took me 9 years to find people who eventually became friends and dance friends of mine.

He knows that I may eventually give in and take him back. I am fighting the urge to do so because of the emotional and mental pain I am feeling right now. I keep picturing him with all my friends having fun while I am isolated. I keep remembering the great rehearsals and dances I had with my new partner and knowing that could never happen ever again either because he has made sure of that through manipulative means. Friends I had before this partner came into my life 6 years ago. He never had anything to do with them before until my decision to let him go. He wiggled himself into my circle of friends and in the last 4 weeks, managed to cajole them to run around with him.

I am filled with so much sorrow. I am like a person without a soul. I need a friend to confide in, share my experiences, and trust but they have abandoned me. The only hope I have now is a long distant friend who has offered me sanctuary, a place to go to away from memories, places that I normally went to in the past. He is assisting me but I can't have him 24 hours a day since he works too. I can't be alone because all the past events come rushing back. Crisis Center says that I am in a Divorce although not from a husband. Then they tell me I should just "toughen it up" and get through it. HOW?

It doesn't help knowing that I am also bi polar. I am in a manic depression right now. I am in a classroom filled with students but I cannot concentrate on my tasks. Don't laugh. This is really funny at first glance but for me, I am trying to divorce a dance partner who doesn't want to let me go. If he can't have me, then he is making sure no one else would want to be with me.

[DrDoo]

Welcome.

Could you explain more?

I am actually going through a divorce but I am not divorcing a husband (though that may happen too).

What does that mean. Sorry a little confused.

How you get through it is one minute at a time at first.
Take baby steps.

And the magic word it takes TIME.

[H0$$]

Sometimes the "little things" like eating, sleeping etc. are very hard. Fortunately those are physical needs that will take care of themselves in time. "Friends" is a catch all term that covers many different people and types of people that come and go in our lives. Sometimes the relationship we have in others may not be to the same extent on their part. Those are hard to take at times but people/friends come and go in our lives. There are very few that stay till the end. The loss of those that don't is an unimportant loss. I will say something that won't sound good but none the less it is true. It is not these people's job to come comfort you. People do that out of care and concern. If they choose not to then they have shown you the type of relationship you had with them for whatever reason.

What you do is focus on yourself and your situation. That is most important at this point. Friends come and go. I have friends now that I never even had prior to divorce. With every door that closes another will open in its on time. You used the "revenge", what do you mean by that?

[m_t]

According to the Crisis Center, I am actually going through a divorce but I am not divorcing a husband (though that may happen too). I am going through a crisis due to the sudden loss of not one, but several 'friends' all at once. I am alone. I am depressed. I feel abandoned. I feel betrayed. I am disappointed that so called 'friends' have no heart to come and comfort me. Instead, they fly away and flock to the man who has caused all this misery. How do you get over a pain and sorrow so deep it that it hurts to live? How do you guys eat, sleep, function? It has been almost 3 weeks since this man began his 'revenge' and a week since me friends withdrew from me. What do I do to stop my mind and heart from hurting? I am desperate. Help.

Ditto Doo. I'm also confused.

[msveemomx03]

Welcome ladybug

This is the best place to be during and after divorcing.  All of us have been where you are and can give you support or a kick in the butt at times if needed.  Its very hard at first, but take care of yourself, eat whether you want to or not, take vitamins and/or supplements.

Post your story...vent when you need to...we are here to help you and in doing so we help ourselves.  These pages go way back, but reading some of our stories might help you also.

As far as friends, I have made all new ones.  My older sister was one of my bestest friends, unfortunately, I lost her to cancer during my divorce, she taught me alot as she was also divorced and thrived being single, I miss her dearly..but that didn't stop me from getting out there and making more friends.

We are spread all over here, so making in person friends here would probably be very difficult, but the nice thing is we are only a power button away...

[teddybear]

Welcome . . . draw a deep breath and exhale, you are home!

[TC]

According to the Crisis Center, I am actually going through a divorce but I am not divorcing a husband (though that may happen too). I am going through a crisis due to the sudden loss of not one, but several 'friends' all at once. I am alone. I am depressed. I feel abandoned. I feel betrayed. I am disappointed that so called 'friends' have no heart to come and comfort me. Instead, they fly away and flock to the man who has caused all this misery. How do you get over a pain and sorrow so deep it that it hurts to live? How do you guys eat, sleep, function? It has been almost 3 weeks since this man began his 'revenge' and a week since me friends withdrew from me. What do I do to stop my mind and heart from hurting? I am desperate. Help.

Ditto Doo. I'm also confused.

I think the OP is trying to say that a man (third wheel) has said or done something that has effectively turned OP's friends against her and she now feels alone, betrayed, and abandoned.

TC

[H0$$]

third wheel?

[Wolfy]

Hi Ladybug

Take things one day or moment at a time. Friends that wont stand by you when you need them, aren't really friends. You will make new friends in time. It takes time for all the feelings you have to fade. You are still early in your divorce.

[ladybugcurley]

third wheel?

It's actually a train. I reposted to explain. I am trying to divorce my dance partner but he won't let me go. I found someone else to replace him and he has made sure that this does not happen ever. I later found out that the reason why several prospective dance partners never stayed with me was because he found ways to sabotage it. This time, he knows I am serious but he knows I can't survive too long without my dance friends so he is courting each one of them, paying for their club fees, sweet talks, invitations to dances and clubs where I normally went to and other means to keep me isolated. He has stalked me, harassed me on the phone by calling 20-25 times a day so that I had to change my phone numbers, and found a way to keep my new dance partner from seeing me.

I am alone. I can't go anywhere because I am afraid I would run into them. I cannot stand the feelings of rejection and abandonment and betrayal. I try to take it one step at a time. I am resorting to sleeping draughts to stop my mind from wandering. They don't make me go to sleep. They just numb me through the night as I watch tv through the night and into the morning.

I pace the house all day long to keep me from doing something irrational. I am exhausted.

[H0$$]

Maybe you could dance like you have two left feet

[chill]

Are you taking your meds?  And when was the last time you went to your doctor?

[DrDoo]

Yeah what chill said..

Where is your husband in all this?

[Aim]

What other activities are you involved in? Do you work?

Is there another physical activity you enjoy (physical activity helps with the emotions)

With the holidays coming up- get involved in community dinners (serving/ clean up) and other activities you enjoy- 
Meet new friends and focus on the needs of others.

Do not isolate yourself because of them- Ignore them and keep busy.

[m_t]

Additionally, are there other venues where you could dance? Perhaps meet a new crowd?