Update

[GA_Mike]

I have been slammed at work lately, so I haven't had much time to post (though I have tried to at least 'lurk' every now and then and try to stay on top of what is going on at HEO). My wife and I went to our first joint therapy session last week, and it went much better than I expected. I knew the therapist was extremely good from the work I had done with him in the past, but what he was able to do in the course of 90 minutes exceeded anything I could have imagined. He was able to get my wife and I to talk about things that we would never have told each other in the past, and that kind of vulnerability lead to an emotional intimacy that I don't recall ever feeling before. Things have been much better since then. Don't get me wrong, we have a lot of work to do both individually and as a couple, and we are not out of the woods yet, but the experience of what we felt at that point will help us step away from the brink if and when things get bad between us as we work through this process. The good news is that we are both committed and on board with this.

[Wolfy]

What can also be difficult is making things last for years and years. Many of us have a tendancy to go back to the way we were which negates all the work. I'm routing for you two.

[chill]

I agree with wolfy.  It seems a lot of the times, people change for a while, then the old habbits come back, because that is familiar.  Also change takes work, and sometimes going back to the way a person was is easier.

I am glad that session gave you hope and understanding, and I pray that you guys will continue to grow and heal.

[teddybear]

Good news from you Mike and I am hoping everything will work out for the best, whatever that may be.  I agree that old habits are like a comfortable old blanket, it may be raggedy and worn, but it is familiar.  Be sure of what you want and as long as there is genuine love between you, it's worthwhile . . . baby steps.

[GA_Mike]

Good news from you Mike and I am hoping everything will work out for the best, whatever that may be.  I agree that old habits are like a comfortable old blanket, it may be raggedy and worn, but it is familiar.  Be sure of what you want and as long as there is genuine love between you, it's worthwhile . . . baby steps.

It's because of the realization that we cannot do this on our own that we started working with a therapist. He does have a knack for cutting through the BS. My hope is that over time we'll learn the skills needed to stay centered and connected. From my past experience working with him, I think we'll be able to do this. I have learned and grown a lot through the work I did with him in the past. The issue, at least as far as I'm concerned, is that I'm not finished, and have a lot of work left to do (as does my wife) in order to achieve lasting change. We'll get there eventually if we stick to it.

[Annaka]

Good for you! I hope the two of you make it and stay together because it seems to be what you both want. God bless you both