Phone Calls Being Changed

[TMBS]

My ex and I have been divorced for a year and have been separated for two years. During this time I have always called my children every night (as I live in a different state as they do). I call them before bedtime and they are always just playing in their bedroom. If a night or two goes by and the children don't want to talk he lets me know. However, now he is telling me that he is going to change the calling schedule to only two days a week. Can he do this considering the fact that we've had this calling schedule for this long? There's nothing in our divorce papers stating about calling. He's already cut my visitations stating it's due to their school but, now he is going to cut out my communication through the phone with them also. I believe it has something to do with his girlfriend because since she has moved in things have changed (such as her making fun of me in front of all my children, her children and her making fun of my oldest; who resides with me, and hearing her state things on the phone about me to my younger ones).
So, I need to know, is he able to take and change the calling times? I have asked for three days a week to call but, I am thinking he is not going to allow it. I feel like they are trying to put a wedge between my children and myself.

[Cam]

I'm not sure about the legalities.  I just wanted to suggest a webcam on a laptop for the kids.. I guess it would depend on their ages and supervision.  It just seems with you so far away a few minutes of 'seeing' you would do them a world of good and would make you feel so much closer to them.  I know it has nothing to do with the circumstances you posted.  I've been using mine (when it worked) to visit with my grandchildren in MN and it really makes a difference for me.  I miss them terribly and see them seldom.  
 
I'm sure someone will be on shortly that will help you with the issue you posted.  Hang in there lots of good folks on this site.  Welcome  Sorry I just realized you've been here quite awhile!!  My brains been missing in action for almost two years and not likely to return soon so forgive me please!

[TMBS]

We used to do the whole cam chat thing, my ex won't do it anymore. No excuse, no reason, just he won't do it. (When he first started saying no it was because he was busy on the computer.Then there was no excuse, just "no." ) Thanks for the idea though. He's done so much these past couple of months (moved without giving notice, I actually found out from my daughter, then he told me I wouldn't get much visitation because of their new school, disrupting phone calls as much as he and his new gf could, etc.) I worry about my kids. This can't be good for them emotionally. My dd is emotional and it seems there's being a wedge put between us.
Sorry, went off on my own thoughts...guess my brain is out to lunch, it better be eating something healthy!
Thanks again for answering me.

[Cam]

It's always so awful when the kids become the sacrifice instead of the primary goal.   I wish it were better for you because it would mean it was better for your children.  Divorce is most always ugly and life is tough.  Doesn't mean we need to make it any tougher or uglier.  I don't know what drives some people to hurt the ones they love and who depend on them.   In some ways he may think he is helping the situation more than likely in the long run he will regret it and then there are just no do overs.   Hang in there it sounds like you are really trying to make the best of a difficult situation. 

[TC]

Presumably, he has physical custody and the decree does not outline telephonic visitation for you?

If both of the above are true, yes he can do as he plans and there really isn't much you can do other than take the matter back to court and ask for a modification to the visitation schedule.  The court may or may not entertain it.  My ex moved the children out of state.  My standard out of state visitation awarded by the court allowed for two scheduled phone calls per week.  I doubt many courts would entertain much more than that.

TC

[TMBS]

Than you Cam. I believe that as the parents we are supposed to work together to make life as enjoyable as possible for our children, we are the ones who brought them here so we are definitely responsible. I don't like it that my children have become pawns but, unfortunately this has been the case since I decided to leave him. (First him stating that I would never see my children again because I would not return to him and going from there.) I was hoping, as adults, that he and I would work together for the best interest of our children, now I know that he will not do this and I can't help but wonder how a person could want to hurt a child by not providing the best interest for the child.
TC, yes he has physical custody and the decree only states "Both parties shall be allowed telephone contact with the minor children at reasonable times and for reasonable length of time." I might have to take him back to court for a visitation modification as now, as it is, I am only getting four weeks during the summer months upon 30 days of written notice of the specific weeks and the visitations shall be exercised in two separate 2 week non-consecutive intervals. I have had them for the whole summer for the past three years and I can see that this is a beginning of a rocky road.
 ???I am wondering though, since he moved (yeah, we are supposed to give written notice 45 days prior to moving, he didn't even tell me he moved, he left that up to the children!) should I ask for modification from the judge in his new town or am I to go back to our old town and ask for a modification from the judge that presided over our case?
There's so much that I don't understand, so thank you to you both for your patience and your help. I appreciate it.

[TC]

You will need to go back to the original judge and deal with any issues there, at least until the stbx domesticates the divorce decree in his new location...even then, the original judge may elect to retain jurisdiction, especially if you are still in the local area.

I'd highly recommend you discuss this with an attorney before proceeding too far forward...I am doubtful you will have much luck securing a modification....but I could be wrong.

TC

[m_t]

Generally, the court you deal with is on a county (not town) level. But yes, you would have to file in the originating county.

Since your order is relatively vague regarding the day(s) and length of calls, he can pretty much call the shots. But it would likely be worth filing for a clarification/modification to get a more specific schedule ordered.

If you're doing that, you may want to try for the extended summer visitation - worst that happens is that you keep what you have ordered now. But I will add a cautionary word... as your kids get older, the less happy they will be to spend the bulk of the summer away from friends and related activities, jobs, etc. So depending on the ages they are now should guide you as to whether it's worth doing.

As for his move... the most he's likely to get is a smack on the hand and a reminder that he is to notify you. The move doesn't affect your time since you're out of state, so... he's not going to get dinged badly for it.

[TMBS]

What does "domesticates the divorce decree in his new location" mean? Yes, I am trying to take into consideration how the children would feel spending so much time away from friends while they are here. They have family here too so that is a good thing. But, I have decided that when they do get older and they decide that they want to spend more time with their friends (such as teens do...I know from experience) then they will tell me and we'll modify it then. I guess I will have to look into attorneys and see if I can find one that will work for me as far as maybe just getting some clarification to my phone calls and my visitations.
Thank you for all your help! I appreciate every one of you whom have chimed in and helped me. Have a good day.

[TC]

When a person with custody moves from one state to another, it is common to have the divorce decree registered in the new state (once residency has been established).  The purpose of doing this is so that the new state can hear matters on the case in the local courts.  The process of doing this is called domestication of a foreign decree.

TC

[m_t]

I think, when it's within state (i.e. from one county to another), it's called a "change of venue". There are also likely some residency requirements for doing so.

[TC]

You are correct MT....I had it in my head there was a change of State but I could be wrong.

TC

[m_t]

Question is - whose state originated the order?

[TC]

Yup...I was under the impression "HE" moved out of the original state...but I could have misunderstood that.

T

[m_t]

Looking at past posts, it seems OP is the one who moved....