court tomorrow

[enough is enough]

Back to court tomorrow. Custody and spousal support. I hate going to court. It scares me to death. Shocking, but my stbx went from mr. nice guy to angry screaming man when I didnt agree to his out of court proposal. Funny how the only time he treats me nice is when I dont challange anything he decides is fair.
I am once again a money hungry, greedy bitch. It has never been about money for me. Its about taking care of my kids the way I always planed. I want to be part of everything they do in life. Its not about buying them things its about being there when they reach the milestones in their life. Hell I have a seven month old. He needs me.
I didnt choose this path. He's the one that couldnt keep it in his pants.
He feels I dont deserve "his" money because I didnt earn it. I didnt create this family alone, you cant take it back because its not working for you anymore.
I cant stand when he acts like its revenge or greed. I have never spent money on myself. Every thing I do is for the kids. THey are my life. I dont get hair cuts often. I dont buy clothes regularly. Most of my wardrobe is hand me downs from my sister.
I am so sick of getting blamed for this because he decided I wasnt a good enough wife. Everything I did was for my family.
I'm sick of crying. I sick of being alone. I'm sick of being scared. I'm sick of taking the blame.
He did this, he walked out, he had the affair. I wanna get off this ride. Help

[Someday]

Seems like I'm the only one around tonight - so I'll try to offer what help I can which you can take or leave.

Let's see .... you've got small kids and he has decided he wants a new life.... well guess what.... he is a kid also. Look at his behavior. He's nice if you are not forcing him to act responsibly. Isn't that just like a teenager? Well if you let me do what I want I will think you are okay and be nice to you... but if you make me be home at a certain time and do my homework and chores I'm going to pout... Whaaa..

I don't understand why people do this... my SIL let her ex husband go almost a year with out paying a dime in CS and he was in the military so it could have been withdrawn immediately. I think that underneath it all we want to be "nice" and want our ex's to "like" us and want it to be "fair"

Sorry...it ain't fair.

It isn't fair that he had an affair and left you. It isn't fair that you have small kids to raise without their dad... none of it is fair.

I got some of the best advice here - and the most important one is that divorce is a business.

Do you really care what he thinks about you? He has left you. Sure, you probably want him back and want that happy family that we all dream of - but where he is now it ain't going to happen.

Time to pull up your big girl britches and get what your kids deserve.

I will tell you that I didn't leave my house till I got temporary support - there were no if and or buts about it. It was filed with the court. I didn't give a shit if he had to eat hot dogs every night. I earned every penny. Our son was over 18 so there was no CS - but the alimony was mine. Did he like it - no. Did I care - not in the least - only that it was deposited in the bank on time.

I'm one of the few here reconciling - which is a long story and has it's own share of ups and downs. But I do think that standing up for myself was a good thing. I'm not a door mat or something to throw away.

Neither are your kids.

Don't listen to him - the state will determine CS (I think in all states - correct me if I'm wrong MT?) and you should be getting some type of spousal support for rehabilitation.

Let him whine - he made his bed.

[Wolfy]

EIE

What you wrote here is what you should take to heart. You know you are doing nothing wrong, so try to stop letting your stbx make you feel guilty. He's an ass. That is why you are getting divorced. Don't give any weight to his opinions. The only one who's opinion about you that counts is yours.

Back to court tomorrow. Custody and spousal support. I hate going to court. It scares me to death. Shocking, but my stbx went from mr. nice guy to angry screaming man when I didnt agree to his out of court proposal. Funny how the only time he treats me nice is when I dont challange anything he decides is fair.
I am once again a money hungry, greedy bitch. It has never been about money for me. Its about taking care of my kids the way I always planed. I want to be part of everything they do in life. Its not about buying them things its about being there when they reach the milestones in their life. Hell I have a seven month old. He needs me.
I didnt choose this path. He's the one that couldnt keep it in his pants.
He feels I dont deserve "his" money because I didnt earn it. I didnt create this family alone, you cant take it back because its not working for you anymore.
I cant stand when he acts like its revenge or greed. I have never spent money on myself. Every thing I do is for the kids. THey are my life. I dont get hair cuts often. I dont buy clothes regularly. Most of my wardrobe is hand me downs from my sister.
I am so sick of getting blamed for this because he decided I wasnt a good enough wife. Everything I did was for my family.

[chill]

Please don't let what he says bother you, because it is based on him having less, and you and the kids doing without, and him not getting his way.  He says and does his outburst like a little two year old.  What you do when he is speaking to you like this is to say, I am going to hang up now I will not be called names, So if you continue I will hang up.  And he will continue, and you hang up and then unplug or turn off the phone.

My ex did the same thing.  He wanted the control of the family and everything with it.  But he decided to stay with his girlfriend.  I waited two years for him to "see the light"  but he never did.  (Thank God btw)  Anyway, I loved him and wanted him to see I was not a bad person, he would throw his fits because he didn't get what he wanted, I would cry, and cry and cry, saying I'm not a bad person.  Finally one day I realized when I gave in I was a good person, yes he was still with his girlfriend.  I realized that I gave in he was happy, and didn't think I was a bad person, and I did without, along with my kids.  While he had his girlfriend and what ever he wanted.  I finally thought enough is enough, and decided I would base EVERYTHING on what is best for the kids.  So when he didn't get his way (which he was used to from our marriage) he threw a fit.  I held firm and when he got out of hand, I didnt' just hang up, I warned him first, and if he continued which he would, I hung up.  Eventually I quit taking his calls, and life got a lot better.  I thought, wow, if I do what he says, he gets what he wants, has his girlfriend, and is happy, whereas, I am struggling here.  That's not someone you want to love.  It's time to change the way of thinking.

[TC]

I cant stand when he acts like its revenge or greed. I have never spent money on myself. Every thing I do is for the kids. THey are my life. I dont get hair cuts often. I dont buy clothes regularly. Most of my wardrobe is hand me downs from my sister.
I am so sick of getting blamed for this because he decided I wasnt a good enough wife. Everything I did was for my family.
I'm sick of crying. I sick of being alone. I'm sick of being scared. I'm sick of taking the blame.
He did this, he walked out, he had the affair. I wanna get off this ride. Help

THEN STOP TALKING TO HIM!

I don't know how to make this any clearer....but until you do, things will not begin to change.

YOU have to choose to make changes for things to change, and the first change to be made is to break all communication with him.  That is what your attorney is for.

It really is as simple as that.

Good luck in court.

TC

[Ann Marie]

(((HUGE HUGS)))

I'll pray for you hon, however, TC is right. Only *YOU* can stop this ride you're on. I'll pray God gives you the strength to be strong enough to resist his calls, emails or whatever the EX throws at ya.

[TopGun]

EIEI am in the exact situation as you.  Your husband and my wife are from the same school of thinking.  They don't believe we deserve anything.  I am all about my kids and anything else I get is a bonus.  My wife has been verbally abusive this past week because I will not give in to her demands.  She says she earned what is in her retirement.  She was in her first year as a school teacher when we got married.  She now has her Master's degree+, principal certificate, and now she is assistant superintendent, and makes good money, that she wouldn't be making if I wasn't there for her to go to school.  I don't take her words to heart, she is frustrated, and that is her reaction to her frustration.  I'm tired of being Mr. nice guy.  I am standing up to what my State says I have a right to.  She filed the divorce because of "incompatibility", not me.  Now she will have to pay for her decisions.  I don't want it, I hate it for the kids, I hate it for me, and I wish I also could get off this ride, but I can't.  I need to ride this wave out, collect the pieces, and put the puzzle back together.  It is rough, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  And so can you.  EIE, you are doing what is right for you and your kids, no matter what he thinks or says.  Stay strong and believe in your decision and don't think about it again.  Let us know how court goes and always remember it seems worst than it usually is, so take a deep breath, and have faith that justice will be served.  God Bless TG