Ex husband's STBX is pushing my buttons!

[allemyne]

To start off, let me say my ex and I have finally reached the point where we can talk, as he finally realized our main concern needs to be our son . . . and he admitted his STBX did everything she could to keep them apart (I already knew it through thnigs she emailed me over the years)

That said, here's what's going on that I have some ?? about.  She bought a huge house before they got married, took out a loan on the property in her name, and has rolled that over several times, adding his name to the property and loan about two years ago (they've been married 4)  He left in January; I took him to court in February for back support and an increase.  When she found out I was going for this, she had him sign a quitclaim deed giving up rights to the property so I couldn't force it to be sold.  They went to mediation last week to try and work out the divorce (actually, they had met in her lawyer's office two weeks ago and worked things out, but after talking to some friends, she decided she didn't agree to it after all), and a few things came up I question the theory behind . . . by the way, my ex had no lawyer (he's getting one now!)

1)  Her lawyer told him she does not care at all that he owes support and that has nothing to do with his STBX's need to be supported.

2)  He owns a tractor trailer, and her lawyer had papers there awaiting a judge's signature to force him to turn it over to his STBX for her to sell.  It was bought while they were married, but her name has never been on any of the paperwork dealing with it in case he ever had a wreck.  She did not want any liability to fall to her, but now wants to claim she paid for it and should get it back as part of the settlement.

3)  The house is up for sale, but is overpriced by over $100,000 according to the property values in the area.  She is wanting him to pay her mortgage and utilities until it sells.

It seems to me that the truck is how he makes his living (it's what he has always done), and forcing him to sell it will hurt more than it will help - if he doesn't have a job, how is he supposed to pay her bills (or his child support, for that matter)?  And wouldn't my claim for child support (which was settled in February - we worked out a payment plan for the back support and increased the monthly - whcih he's still not paying, BTW!) be considered before her support is figured?  I actually think the judge would consider that claim first, despite what she says.  And why should he have to pay her bills when she is not trying to sell the house and he is no longer on the deed?  I understand he's still on the loan, but he's willing to let it go to foreclosure to get out from under it, sonce they plainly can't afford it.

I know it sounds crazy for me to be trying to help my ex, but until she came along, we'd always been good friends, and we're trying to get back to that for our son's sake!  Plus, I'd like to keep him from losing his a** becasue that will wind up hurting my son in the end far more than it hurts his crazy STBX!

[TC]

The best thing you can do for your ex is to push him to get a good attorney and work with them.

I don't know the answers to your specific questions, but I suspect your ex is bring railroaded by his stbx's attorney.....he should have never gone into any of this without an attorney at his side.

TC

[allemyne]

He has a really bad habit of listening to the ones he's hanging around that stroke his ego instead of the ones that care about him.  Did it when he took up with this one, and now is listening to his latest girlfriend (and her daughter and boyfriend who think they are a lot smarter than they are . . . )  Then when it's all about to blow up, he comes back to us (me, his family) to try and help him out . . . and we always do!

[TC]

Though I understand your motivation, you might want to consider letting him fall flat on his face this time...if he always has you or his family or someone holding a safety net for him....he is never going to learn to stand on his own two feet.

As for your concerns about CS....I'd talk to your rep down at the DHR or whatever you call it there...If DHR isn't involved, I'd encourage you to get them involved.  That is what they are there for.  Every state is diff...but here in CO where I live, if the NCP is behind on CS, they are on him like you wouldn't believe....

Just a thought.

TC

[allemyne]

I have several friends who have tried to go through DHR; none of them have anything good to say about it.  They are slow, files get "lost", and because it's a small Alabama town, everyone knows everyone and it's impossible to get anything done.  Heck, just getting the papers served on him for CS took two months (he knows everyone on the sheriff's department and they couldn't find him), then it took another 8 motnhs to get into court!

Neither I nor his family bails him out financially, but when he finally realizes his new friends are using him, we will help him with the advice we'd offered all along.  Part of my involvement in this particular part is his STBX tried her darnedest to trash my name when he moved in with her . . . I won't stoop that low, but if I can help him get out of this without losing everything, I'll consider the debt settled  !!!