Inheritance reimbursment from STBX

[slugbait]

During our first round of Mediation, my STBX discovered that $205,000 that I inherited from my mother in 2003 was recoverable by me.  As she is the one filing for divorce, this was "moderately"  disappointing to her, especially since the only wealth we have is tied up in the equity of our house which we are currently building (her Idea).  Even if we are able to sell the completed home for enough to pay off construction loan and reap some profit, it won't equal the value of what the law says I am entitled to.  I have no intention of causing her difficulty, and would love for her to be able to leave with something, she feels that waiving child support should prompt me to waive the rights to the inheritance.  This is a struggle for me as I want to be compassionate and fair, but in her mind, the only "fair" thing is to split everything 50/50, including the $205K.  The problem is that once I waive the reimbursement, I can't go back and ask for it but she can always sue for child support.  I've already told her that I won't touch her retirement, which is significantly higher than mine.  I am in quite a conundrum and feel like there is no "right" answer.  If the housing market weren't so crappy this might be simpler, but for now, I need to stay in the house long enough to gain some kind of value.    OY!!!

[TC]

C.S. is for the children.....go with standard based on standard computations and split the rest.  Depending on age of your children, courts are likely to insist you do this regardless of any other agreements you might make.  Courts don't like to do away with C.S. payments.....

One other thing....I've read your posts on the other board, just hadn't found time to respond....but will here....divorce is a business....it isn't about emotions when it comes to settlements and the courts...treat it like a business transaction....go for what is yours and what is in the best interst of the children...you won't be sorry in the long run.

TC

[InDenial]

You didn't say what state you are in, whether it is community property or equitable distribution.  In case it is equitable distrubution, keep in mind that this doesn't mean the same as "equal".  If one party has significantly higher assets (your inheritance) or significantly higher earning poential (no idea where you and your wife stand on this issue), a judge could split assets non-equally.

I agree with TC that you shouldn't waive child support.  What you could do is agree to a formula that minimizes the amount for now.  This especially makes sense if you will be sharing custody 50/50 or close to it.   But you are quite correct that she can re-open the issue at a later time.

Depending on how long you've been married, you might be entitled to a good chunk of her retirement. To me it makes more sense to exchange a waiver on that for a waiver on the inheritance.

Another way to compromise on money in dispute is to agree to give it to the kids (in trust).  It could be a much more satisfactory solution for all than litigating.

Although you are mediating, which I think is a fine thing, please tell me that also have your own lawyer to consult with.  And then get with him/her to find out what they recommend.

[slugbait]

TC ,
Thanks for the straightforward response, I am not reluctant to support my kids, far from it, I just don't like the courts being able to decide what that means. 

As for Denial's comments, I am entitled to 1/2 of my STBX retirement (worth much more than mine), but because she is a teacher, I am very reluctant to take that from her.

However, it may come into play as far as custody formula goes.  Either way, I am inclined to agree that letting the court decide this is probably for the best. Regardless of how it goes, my
children will never be neglected as long as I am alive.

As far as the retirement is concerned, we live in a community property state and as far as I can tell, the inheritance is 100% reimbursable.  Since I never imagined being divorced, I happily invested that money in home improvement and the purchase of our current home. 

Now my only chance to recoupe is to sell the new home (upon completion) for a profit, not an easy task with the state of the economy   My hope is to find some way to keep the house long enough to let the market improve some, however, this will require some cooperation and patience from my STBX.
 
If she has some stake in the profit (X %), hopefully, we can make it work, otherwise we both end up with the clothes on our back and a storage unit full of homeless furniture.

Now I know why you guys call this the "CRUD".  Nobody should have to go through this, especially the kids !

[chill]

I would check with the lawyer about that money.  For example in my state, if I kept it(inheritance) seperate, then it was mine not marrital property.  But Instead I invested it the home that we built, which meant that it was mixed with marital for marital stuff, which meant the judge decided to split the equity in the house 50/50.  The law is funny sometimes.  I am just telling you how it was in my state.  Don't have a clue about your state.  But I would for sure go to a lawyer and find out for sure.