someone to talk to!!!! please

[m_t]

that's good advice of course I lean more towards telling the married person to honor their vows.

Bingo.

I tend to agree with those who see this as much more complicated than simply "stop seeing him". Culturally, it's a different world where kikyame is. One that is much more male dominated than we are used to. And this guy is her boss. I doubt the laws there are like ours, where firing her for breaking it off with him could be a problem - I would bet that she would find herself jobless in less than a heartbeat. That complicates things, I think.

[Cannotbehappening]

Based on her post, she doesn't seem too frightened of him. If he coerced her into a relationship to keep her job, that adds a whole new dimension to this situation. It isn't described that way here. She also stated she accepted him for who he is, which is a liar and an adulterer who has a wife and 5 children. Those who walk into a relationship knowing these things get what they ask for. She can just keep quiet to keep her job, as it seems like her lover is moving onto his next mistress.

I also lean toward telling married people to honor their vows.  I would tell a married person to think of their spouse and their vows if I knew they were committing adultery. That doesn't excuse the other person, if they know a marriage exists, which is obviously the case here.

[H0$$]

she wouldn't even have a "career" unless there were sorry married people willing to break their vows. A real husband could fall in a barrel of boobs and come out sucking his thumb. It's not her fault he's a cheater.

[Ann Marie]

Based on her post, she doesn't seem too frightened of him. If he coerced her into a relationship to keep her job, that adds a whole new dimension to this situation. It isn't described that way here. She also stated she accepted him for who he is, which is a liar and an adulterer who has a wife and 5 children. Those who walk into a relationship knowing these things get what they ask for. She can just keep quiet to keep her job, as it seems like her lover is moving onto his next mistress.

I also lean toward telling married people to honor their vows.  I would tell a married person to think of their spouse and their vows if I knew they were committing adultery. That doesn't excuse the other person, if they know a marriage exists, which is obviously the case here.

Cannotbehappening...I'm with ya on this one kid, so don't feel alone.

[TC]

In some cultures, it is quite normal and acceptable for a man to have multiple mistresses...even today.  I've traveled to Central America a lot...it is quite common there.  I've never been to the far east much, but my understanding is that it is also common there.  Point being, if this is the culture you are brought up in, you view things much differently than we might.

I don't know where this lady is from...I don't know what culture she is from.  I do know she came here for help...seems to me that we might want to keep an open mind till we find out a lot more details.  Doesn't mean we will want to live our lives in the manner she does, but for her, this just might be a very normal and acceptable lifestyle culturally.

Seems to me a little patience and understanding is in order here....at least till more of the story is known.

TC

[H0$$]

well stated TC. I hope I never reach a point of turning my back on people asking for help. I have had many things happen in my life that I could have become jaded over and allowed them to control my life but I chose not to. I do know this lifestyle is very common in the Asian and Southeast Asian world. For many it's their only hope for survival. I also know that human pain is human pain regardless if it is self-inflicted or not. I try to keep a short nose so I won't have so far to look down it.

[TC]

well stated TC. I hope I never reach a point of turning my back on people asking for help. I have had many things happen in my life that I could have become jaded over and allowed them to control my life but I chose not to. I do know this lifestyle is very common in the Asian and Southeast Asian world. For many it's their only hope for survival. I also know that human pain is human pain regardless if it is self-inflicted or not. I try to keep a short nose so I won't have so far to look down it.

Yup Yup....

I'm not a religious person, but at times like this the bible quote, "Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone." sure seems to ring true.

Just saying....

TC

[m_t]

She can just keep quiet to keep her job, as it seems like her lover is moving onto his next mistress.

Actually, if I read it correctly, he is married, has had an ongoing affair (20+ years) with another women, as well as an ongoing affair (~10yrs) with kikayme. He's happy as a hog in shit.

[Ann Marie]

In some cultures, it is quite normal and acceptable for a man to have multiple mistresses...even today.  I've traveled to Central America a lot...it is quite common there.  I've never been to the far east much, but my understanding is that it is also common there.  Point being, if this is the culture you are brought up in, you view things much differently than we might.

well if that were the case here, woman who live in those cultures are accepting to them as thats the way they were brought up, BUT...this one doesn't say that at all.

To the contrary, she's pissed off about it, so I'd say that lets the air outta that theroy, in my opinion

[TC]

In some cultures, it is quite normal and acceptable for a man to have multiple mistresses...even today.  I've traveled to Central America a lot...it is quite common there.  I've never been to the far east much, but my understanding is that it is also common there.  Point being, if this is the culture you are brought up in, you view things much differently than we might.

well if that were the case here, woman who live in those cultures are accepting to them as thats the way they were brought up, BUT...this one doesn't say that at all.

To the contrary, she's pissed off about it, so I'd say that lets the air outta that theroy, in my opinion

The truth of the matter Anne is that none of use know....now do we?

I only know two things for certain....first, someone came here seeking assistance and help.....second, I am in no position, especially with the limited information at hand, to be passing judgement.  I know I've sinned.

TC

[Cannotbehappening]

she wouldn't even have a "career" unless there were sorry married people willing to break their vows. A real husband could fall in a barrel of boobs and come out sucking his thumb. It's not her fault he's a cheater.

You are correct. She is at fault for being an adulteress.

[Ann Marie]

In some cultures, it is quite normal and acceptable for a man to have multiple mistresses...even today.  I've traveled to Central America a lot...it is quite common there.  I've never been to the far east much, but my understanding is that it is also common there.  Point being, if this is the culture you are brought up in, you view things much differently than we might.

well if that were the case here, woman who live in those cultures are accepting to them as thats the way they were brought up, BUT...this one doesn't say that at all.

To the contrary, she's pissed off about it, so I'd say that lets the air outta that theroy, in my opinion

The truth of the matter Anne is that none of use know....now do we?

I only know two things for certain....first, someone came here seeking assistance and help.....second, I am in no position, especially with the limited information at hand, to be passing judgement.  I know I've sinned.

TC

TC...call it passing judgement, call it anything you'd like. I have no heart for someone who willingly got involved with a married man.  I'm sure there's other women there that managed to survive without having an affair.

[m_t]

she wouldn't even have a "career" unless there were sorry married people willing to break their vows. A real husband could fall in a barrel of boobs and come out sucking his thumb. It's not her fault he's a cheater.

You are correct. She is at fault for being an adulteress.

Actually, one needs to be married to commit adultery. So... she actually is not.

[H0$$]

There's a whole different world out there from white bread America.

[Ann Marie]

she wouldn't even have a "career" unless there were sorry married people willing to break their vows. A real husband could fall in a barrel of boobs and come out sucking his thumb. It's not her fault he's a cheater.

You are correct. She is at fault for being an adulteress.

Actually, one needs to be married to commit adultery. So... she actually is not.

Maybe she should have said fornication

Edited for spelling