someone to talk to!!!! please

[TC]

I think I have to side with Ros here. Although I don't think anyone here condones adultery or such, this is a person from a totally different culture than our own. And let me remind people that pain is pain regardless of which side of "right or wrong" you're on.

When you stick your hand on a hot stove, it will get burnt. And pain may be pain on both sides, but pain brought about by your own choice should be expected. I'm not casting stones, and hope this woman gets help, but I certainly don't feel sorry for someone who brings their own pain on themself through their own choice.

Funny how that works...everything that we do in life can be traced back to a choice we made at some point.  My first marriage failed because I was immature and naive and made poor choices.  My second marriage failed because I was depressed and wore blinders and chose to ignore all the warning signs that were readily present for anyone to see.

To the best of my knowledge, no one here was forced into a relathionship, which means they chose to be part of it.

TC

[Cannotbehappening]

I think I have to side with Ros here. Although I don't think anyone here condones adultery or such, this is a person from a totally different culture than our own. And let me remind people that pain is pain regardless of which side of "right or wrong" you're on.

When you stick your hand on a hot stove, it will get burnt. And pain may be pain on both sides, but pain brought about by your own choice should be expected. I'm not casting stones, and hope this woman gets help, but I certainly don't feel sorry for someone who brings their own pain on themself through their own choice.

Funny how that works...everything that we do in life can be traced back to a choice we made at some point.  My first marriage failed because I was immature and naive and made poor choices.  My second marriage failed because I was depressed and wore blinders and chose to ignore all the warning signs that were readily present for anyone to see.

To the best of my knowledge, no one here was forced into a relathionship, which means they chose to be part of it.

TC

Yep. Marrying a lying, cheating POS was my choice. He lied well and I believed. All my pain and my children's pain is my fault and I will live with it until the day I die.

Going into a relationship with someone already married, though? No smooth talk can remove the fact that he is already taken and starting a relationship like that is already based on lies, deceit, and is just pain waiting to happen.

[TC]

I think I have to side with Ros here. Although I don't think anyone here condones adultery or such, this is a person from a totally different culture than our own. And let me remind people that pain is pain regardless of which side of "right or wrong" you're on.

When you stick your hand on a hot stove, it will get burnt. And pain may be pain on both sides, but pain brought about by your own choice should be expected. I'm not casting stones, and hope this woman gets help, but I certainly don't feel sorry for someone who brings their own pain on themself through their own choice.

Funny how that works...everything that we do in life can be traced back to a choice we made at some point.  My first marriage failed because I was immature and naive and made poor choices.  My second marriage failed because I was depressed and wore blinders and chose to ignore all the warning signs that were readily present for anyone to see.

To the best of my knowledge, no one here was forced into a relathionship, which means they chose to be part of it.

TC

Yep. Marrying a lying, cheating POS was my choice. He lied well and I believed. All my pain and my children's pain is my fault and I will live with it until the day I die.

Sorry, you can't take that all on your shoulders...he definately is a POS and owns a significant portion of the responsibility in your particular situation. 

However, in the case of the OP, it is also quite possible that she was put in a position of making a choice to feed herself and maintain a job so she could, or to end up out on the streets at the tender age of 22.  I'm not going to judge her for making the same choice millions of others in her shoes would make in the same situation.

Point being that this board is here for people to help each other.  The main way I help others is to explain the mistakes I've made in my own past...hopefully so that others will learn from them and not make the same mistakes in their own lives.

I don't know the OP...I only know what she posted...I definately don't know all the circumstances in the situation.  But it does appear to me that this young lady could use a few understanding people who are willing to help where they can....I think we all deserve that....no matter what.

TC

[H0$$]

I think I have to side with Ros here. Although I don't think anyone here condones adultery or such, this is a person from a totally different culture than our own. And let me remind people that pain is pain regardless of which side of "right or wrong" you're on.

When you stick your hand on a hot stove, it will get burnt. And pain may be pain on both sides, but pain brought about by your own choice should be expected. I'm not casting stones, and hope this woman gets help, but I certainly don't feel sorry for someone who brings their own pain on themself through their own choice.

If she were your daughter, how would you treat her?

[belle]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-NwAg7XRG4&feature=related

snort

[Cannotbehappening]

I think I have to side with Ros here. Although I don't think anyone here condones adultery or such, this is a person from a totally different culture than our own. And let me remind people that pain is pain regardless of which side of "right or wrong" you're on.

When you stick your hand on a hot stove, it will get burnt. And pain may be pain on both sides, but pain brought about by your own choice should be expected. I'm not casting stones, and hope this woman gets help, but I certainly don't feel sorry for someone who brings their own pain on themself through their own choice.

If she were your daughter, how would you treat her?

I would love her, but have nothing to do with her so long as she was committing adultery. I would try to get her into counseling and away from this married person. I would inform her of the pain X caused me through those actions, with the help of an OP like she was. Those would be the consequences of her actions.

[H0$$]

it would be hard to get her into counseling while having nothing to do  with her wouldn't it? Keep in mind, in your marriage the only person that was committed to you was your husband. He, and he alone broke his vows to you. Another woman did not do that. We always want to blame everyone except who the blame should fall on.

[Cannotbehappening]

it would be hard to get her into counseling while having nothing to do  with her wouldn't it? Keep in mind, in your marriage the only person that was committed to you was your husband. He, and he alone broke his vows to you. Another woman did not do that. We always want to blame everyone except who the blame should fall on.

If I found out and had a discussion with her, I would try to get her into counseling. I really don't think what I stated was unable to be understood. After that, the consequences of her actions would be in place. Adultery is adultery, no matter who is involved in it. The husband/wife or affair partner both have 100% responsibility for their actions and both are wrong. Your comments in an earlier thread work for other persons in the situation, too - you can't **** the willing. An affair partner can't call foul when their lover leaves.

Yes, X is the only person who broke his vows to me. The other person was just an immoral slut.

[belle]

Yes, X is the only person who broke his vows to me. The other person was just an immoral slut.

BTDT........just sayin'.

[H0$$]

there again, you're projecting your morals and standards based on your customs and cultures in comparison to someone from a whole different world so to speak. As I said, I'm not here defending adultery, I'm defending the need to always have compassion for anyone hurting regardless of the situation. I guess that's a part of me that I wanted to maintain and not let my divorce or ex's actions turn me cold towards others for what she did and I have managed to do that.

I don't know this young ladies situation or circumstances therefore I try not to rush to a decision of what kind of person she is. I do know that even the most righteous among us are capable of doing things we wouldn't normally do if the situation dictates it for our survival. That's why I'm not too quick to judge.

[Ros]

I guess I've always believed that people are put in our paths for a reason. Maybe she came here not just for her own healing, but so that we can all see life (and lives) from a different perspective as well.

[Cannotbehappening]

I guess I've always believed that people are put in our paths for a reason. Maybe she came here not just for her own healing, but so that we can all see life (and lives) from a different perspective as well.

My comments were specifically about my situation, X and the OW I have dealt with. None of the derragatory comments were made toward people here. As for this poster, I don't know any more than what she has written and by her words she was a willing other person in a marriage. Yes, she may be in pain, but coming to a board for people divorcing because of those like her seems a bit off.

I hope she gets help, but I just can't support her or try to make her feel better about her situation. I'm sorry she is hurting, but the only way she is going to stop it is to stop seeing a married man.

[H0$$]

so basically, cheaters aren't allowed here?

[Cannotbehappening]

They are allowed, but I can't help them or support them in their cheating. And the only helping I can give them is to say stop seeing the married person.

[H0$$]

that's good advice of course I lean more towards telling the married person to honor their vows.