Prenuptials and Debt

[supercell68]

Hi all,

I have a girlfriend that I am strongly considering marrying. I am 40 yrs old, and she is 33.  She is recently divorced with two kids both from that 1 marriage. Her ex-husband pays $600/month in child support. She has quite a bit of debt ($39,000) from that marriage and still has her name on the mortgage with her divorced husband which scares me because it could lead to more debt.  We are discussing the possibility of her filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy so we can get a fresh start in the event we get married.

I realize that if I were to marry this woman, that our marriage might have more challenges than say a couple both going into their 1st marriage with no kids. That said, I am wondering if I should consider discussing a prenuptial agreement with my girlfriend.  I have a decent amount of money (including that invested toward my thrift 401k retirement) and I would like to protect myself as much as possible. I really would like to protect my investments and my retirement since I am 40. I would want something that could be fair for both of us.

Last, but not least, given her two kids are from a prior marriage, if we were to get divorced, would I be responsible for child support payments also just like her ex-husband?  Or would it fall under alimony?  Are these kind of things that can be worked out in a prenuptial agreement?

Thanks in advance for any replies and insight.

Jim   

[Lee Borden]

I am wondering if I should consider discussing a prenuptial agreement with my girlfriend.
Take a look at this page about prenuptial agreements: http://www.divorceinfo.com/prenuptialagreement.htm.

If we were to get divorced, would I be responsible for child support payments also just like her ex-husband?
No, not unless you adopt the children.

Or would it fall under alimony?
No, it would be a really unusual judge who would impose on you (in any way) the duty to support another man's children.

Are these kind of things that can be worked out in a prenuptial agreement?
Yes, but it may not be necessary.

[supercell68]

I am wondering if I should consider discussing a prenuptial agreement with my girlfriend.
Take a look at this page about prenuptial agreements: http://www.divorceinfo.com/prenuptialagreement.htm.

If we were to get divorced, would I be responsible for child support payments also just like her ex-husband?
No, not unless you adopt the children.

Or would it fall under alimony?
No, it would be a really unusual judge who would impose on you (in any way) the duty to support another man's children.

Are these kind of things that can be worked out in a prenuptial agreement?
Yes, but it may not be necessary.

thanks for your quick reply and insight.  greatly appreciated.

[livealittle]

as far as money goes, you may find this site helpful


http://www.daveramsey.com/tdrs/index.cfm/Marriage%20and%20money

spend some time going through Dave Ramsey's site and reading.  he has lots of practical real life advice about money and marriage and divorce and remarriage and kids from a previous marriage and how all that impacts the money and how the money impacts the relationships.

good luck.

[supercell68]

I think I have convinced my girlfriend to file Chapter 7 bankruptcy but she indicated this evening that according to the paperwork she was looking over, it may behoove her to wait until after her taxes are filed in Jan or Feb 2009. She said something like she would otherwise owe money back that she received. Not sure what that's all about. 

I love this girl with all my heart and feel like I am ready to take her and her 2 kids into my life.  But I don't want to put myself into a situation where I incur the debt (which was mainly run up by her ex-husband) from her previous marriage which consists of $39,000 plus her liability to that mortgage - her name is on the mortage with her ex and he's responsible for paying the mortgage monthly and I think they owe a lot on that house.  He is in a ton of debt himself so who knows if he can continue to make the payments. After consulting with a local attorney, he indicated "She can discharge her obligation to the Bank on the home loan in bankruptcy".

I was looking at engagement rings tonight, but I am thinking I should remain on the sidelines for now until I see that she even qualifies for chp 7 bankruptcy and actually gets approved.  I know that love should be unconditional, but to me, this is a set of unique circumstances beyond my control.  If I gave her an engagement ring now, and for some reason, either she does not file for bankruptcy because of 2nd thoughts or she ends up being not approved for Chp 7, I know that I would be very hesitant and probably would not follow through with committment to marriage under these circumstances.  And I would not want to have a long, drawn out engagement with people asking questions like "when is the wedding date", etc.

It makes me sick thinking about all of this - I fall in love with this girl and gradually find out how serious her debt situation is, and now I have this huge red flag in my way and it's not in my control. 

Any advice or thoughts are appreciated.

[InDenial]

What is the rush to get married?  If it weren't for the kids I'd advise moving in together and waiting until her finances are settled to get married.  But I don't know what is best for those 2 kids. What do you think?

Another thing you're hinting at but not quite saying: Are you feeling a little betrayed that she wasn't more upfront with her money problems? Are you worrying about what the next shoe to drop will be?  If you are feeling conflicted about how much you can trust her, perhaps couples counseling would be in order.

If that's not what you're thinking I apologize for reading more than was there.

So those are my thoughts, not sure how helpful....