Need to hear advise good or bad

[Moving Forward]

OK need to hear some feedback.  I am filing our own divorce.  I crunched the numbers today and this is how it looks so far.  He is getting $10,000 more in assets and I am getting $5,000 more in debt.  I am not asking for child support. My rationale for this is that the $10,000 is related to his retirement being $10,000 more than mine, and the $5,000 in debt is related to my student loan.  I believe that the Masters Degree I earned during the marriage can be off set by the $10,000 in his retirement and the $5,000 student loan as my earnings will most likely be higher than his in the future. Also I a make about $10,000 more a year than he does this is why I am not asking for child support. I do believe that when my son gets older, he is 10 right now, and needs car insurance and more expensive clothes, toys etc that I will ask him for more, and will petition the court for child support if necessary.  I am the leave and I am sure that I am settling for this arrangement due to guilt over leaving, but also just want a fresh start. The 29 year marriage could not be saved due to his addictions and his abusive language, anger outbursts, selfishness etc.   Am I doing OK, does my rationale make sense?  The Court hearing is Feb 11th, looking forward to it being over but dreading it as the same time.  Thanks for any feedback.

[TC]

Ill only make one observation for you to consider...Child Supprot is not for you...its for your child...It is your child's right to recieve it and it is each parent's obligation to provide it.....do not be surprised if the court insists on child supprt of some sort.

TC

[Moving Forward]

Yes good observation, would a judge determine that in Court when we are handling it ourselves.  I wonder if I should put in $100 a month, just hate to mess with the Payment Center and all that BS.  Thank you TC I will mention this to my STBX.

[TC]

Will depend on the Court...BUT, if they do get involved, I am fairly certain they will plug the numbers into the state payment calculator and go with the numbers it spits out.....seems to be standard practice now days.

TC

[chill]

I wouldn't give up everything.  But that being said.  If you are willing to take the debt all by yourself, and give up the other moneys, that's your business.  But.....I don't think you should give up child support.  Not a good thing.  Some judges will say ok.  But overall, it shouldn't be allowed.

[Moving Forward]

Thanks Chill, I will mention it to him and see where it goes, deep down I want to avoid it because that is always something he threw in my face, wanting his money, taking him everything he has, etc.  I am hoping that he will step up and be a man and say he wants to help provide for his child, yes I am an optimist, but know that it probably won't happen, but that would be my preference, or second preference would be a Judge saying, you need to support your child.  Thanks and wish me luck

[joeari]

Good luck! I'll send you some extra good Mojo.....

[mrswood]

While I do agree you should get child support I would strongly reccommend a parenting plan. Seperate from child support it provides you with some stability and your son with the knowledge that he knows what to expect from both parents. Also, on the child support, get it- have him deposit child support into a trust fund for your son, if you don't require the money to pay for raising him, it will go along way towards his first car, or college education. I used a web based software for my parenting plan it was awesome. I think it was called kids-first- and I was able to set everything w/ visitation and I could use the calendars to schedule visits and update ex on sports schedules etc, without having to talk to him. ( yeah!)

[Moving Forward]

Thank you mrswood, I did a parenting plan, Judge requires one, sad thing is my STBX doesn't want to spend much time with my son, and my son is not wanting to spend much time with STBX.  I think my STBX likes for me to have my son as this keeps me home or busy with kid stuff, sure doesn't want me to have any adult fun.    I will talk with him about the child support, will be glad when this is over or at least the legal ties are taken care of.

[m_t]

Yep... Most judges will require you to have guideline support.

As for the parenting time.... I have to agree that it needs to be included. If Dad isn't interested, then he's under no obligation to use that time. Your son.... has no choice. If it's ordered - he goes. Or you suffer the consequences. Back to Dad - I dunno... I love the time I have with my kids. They'll be grown soon enough, and then I can think about "my" time.

[Moving Forward]

I know some day my STBX will regret that he did not spend more time with his children.  Our daugthers are all adults now and he didn't spend time with them either, seemed easier to make it up with the girls. I was wondering if we have to go through the Payment Center, or can he just say he will give me the $100 or can he just say he will open up a savings account.  thanks again for the financial feedbac.

[TC]

If the court is involved, more than likely it will have to go through the payment center....

TC

[m_t]

In which case you can always give the money back to him, or the two of you can agree to put it into a separate account. College fund, car fund, saving for Sr Prom fund. Whatever you want.

[Ocean Gal]

Take the CS, you never know what the future will hold and if you find you really don't need it like other said but it in a fund for college, etc.

[Moving Forward]

Hi Ocean, didn't ask for it, but will consider asking in the future, Ex his having a difficult time financially, or so he seems to be, big adjustment for him, hoping he gets his act together and is able to have a normal relationship with his son.