Question about division of debt and property and quick question on custody.

[PetiteChatte]

Okay, I'm going to try to make this as quick as I can.  My STBX and I separated about six months ago.  This was the fifth time that he had asked for a divorce or a separation (and then changed his mind and I took him back).  When he started talking about it this time, I told him that if he left, it was done, he'd had all of his second chances.  Of course, he came back with "I'm sorry, let's try again" and I told him no.  We lived together (separate rooms) for a month or so while I took care of my dying grandfather so that my son could have more time with him (my grandfather).  When my granddad died, my ex moved out.  We had been getting along fairly well and have been sharing custody of our son (week on, week off).  While we were married, I bought a computer and financed it in his name.  When I was working, I made payments on it and when I wasn't (housewife), he did.  I got fired a few months ago b/c of my childcare provider being sick and me being unable to get to work, so I haven't been able to make the payments.  I've applied everywhere I can think of, but there's no job market here and I haven't gotten any responses.  He called a few days ago and said that he wanted my cell phone and the computer back.  I gave him the SIM card from the phone today, but told him he couldn't have the computer, but I'd try to find a way to get the payments into my name ASAP.  He said that if I didn't have the payments changed over and the unpaid balance paid off by the end of the week, that he is calling a lawyer and is taking the computer back.  I am taking college courses online and NEED this computer.  (He has his own, which was also bought while we were together.)  He also said today that he is going to try to get half of the bills put into my name, including his car payment (I was given a car by my grandfather--during our marriage--to get through school and it's paid off, but his--also bought while we were together--isn't.)  ALL of our bills are in his name.  The car, the credit cards, everything.  The only assets we really have are the two cars and the two computers.  We were married for five years.  We haven't filed yet (no money), but are going to soon, and I want this addressed before b/c we want an uncontested divorce.  He also brought up the fact that I am dating and am intimate with someone and am taking a scuba class that my dad is paying for.  I can get a school credit for the class and have been told by a dive shop that they want to interview me once I'm certified, so even though it's a hobby, it's also something that will hopefully open doors for me as far as finding a job.  He said that if I don't have a job in the next few months that he is going to keep our child and "allow" me to have visitation since I can't "support" him.  I am able to pay for food and diapers and things like that for him and I provide a stable environment for him.  I am not willing to lose my child.  So, the questions are:

1)  What portion of his debt could I be responsible for if all of it is in his name?  I never used the credit card, and wasn't even on it.
2)  Without a court order, can he just keep our son?  If I am not able to find a job, but am getting help from my family to support my son and myself, will that affect who gets custody if he decides to try to get sole custody?  We agreed on joint, but he seems to be trying to work toward him having sole and keeps making reference to how he is the better provider.  He's a great dad, and I have NO desire to take our son away from him, but how can I keep him from taking our son away from me? 

I hope all of this makes sense.  Thanks in advance!  I am so stressed and worried about all this.

[m_t]

1)  What portion of his debt could I be responsible for if all of it is in his name?  I never used the credit card, and wasn't even on it.

A lot depends on your state and whether it's a community property state. But it's very likely that you'll be responsible for a portion of the marital debt (if it was incurred while married, it's likely considered marital). As for the computer - can you ask your family to help you pay it off?

2)  Without a court order, can he just keep our son?  If I am not able to find a job, but am getting help from my family to support my son and myself, will that affect who gets custody if he decides to try to get sole custody?  We agreed on joint, but he seems to be trying to work toward him having sole and keeps making reference to how he is the better provider.  He's a great dad, and I have NO desire to take our son away from him, but how can I keep him from taking our son away from me? 

Assuming that the boy is his also, yes, he absolutely can keep him w/o a court order. Your rights are equal in that regard. As for custody.... judges like to maintain the status quo. So unless he can prove you're unfit, it's entirely likely that the 50/50 arrangement you've been operating under will stay as the custody arrangement (assuming your son is doing well with it). BUT.... if nothing's been filed and there aren't even temporary orders, there is nothing to stop either of you from shifting the balance of things to have one of you become the primary caregiver - either of you could take the child and restrict access. That may not sit well with the judge. Or, it may take long enough to wind it's way through the system to become status quo and lead a judge to feel it wouldn't be in the child's best interests to change the standing arrangement. I'm not sure it's a chance I'd want to take and would give some serious thought to how to get the ball rolling.

I would also give some serious thought to putting your dating life on hold for the time being. That has a tendency of inflaming what is already a difficult situation, and could lead to a more contested divorce/custody battle than you may like. Settle this portion of your life first.

[chill]

You can also go to the state and apply for foodstamps and possibly get on section 8 list for housing.  There are a lot of state agency's that can help you if you are seperated.

[Lee Borden]

1)  What portion of his debt could I be responsible for if all of it is in his name?  I never used the credit card, and wasn't even on it.
Doesn't matter. If it's a marital debt, a judge could allocate a portion of it to you.
2)  Without a court order, can he just keep our son?
Yes.
 If I am not able to find a job, but am getting help from my family to support my son and myself, will that affect who gets custody if he decides to try to get sole custody?
It shouldn't.
  We agreed on joint, but he seems to be trying to work toward him having sole and keeps making reference to how he is the better provider.  He's a great dad, and I have NO desire to take our son away from him, but how can I keep him from taking our son away from me?
By going to court now and getting a temporary award of custody and child support.