Possible contempt

[rodney]

uncle lee.  need some guidance.  my modification states that my ex give me a 7 day notice in writing from her to me if my son does visit during the first weekend of the month.  In December 2005, January and February of 2006, the ex did not contact me but my son did by phone to let me know that he'd not visit the first weekend but he did visit each of those months.  During the last week of February he told me he'd be coming the second weekend of the month which was my assigned weekend to work.  After hearing this, I swapped at work in order to be off the second weekend.  Last Friday morning at 5:30 am, he called to tell me his mom was making him visit.  Of course, I had to work and had asked a co-worker to swap for me (live five hours away and I want to spend time with him on those weekends and not be working) so I told him that I was not coming to pick him up due to work that I had to do b/c I had swapped based on her communication through him that he would not come the first weekend of March.

After he called I sent her a nice email summing up the events and indicated that it was myincere belief that he would be coming last Friday due to my
communication with him.  Of course, she says I forfieted the weekend.  He called Thursday night stating that he wanted to come but his mom wouldn't allow for it.  Could this be contempt?  I won't be able to see him again until the first weekend of April.  Just doesn't seem fair that for the last three months, she didn't follow the order but he did come which is why I didn't pursue it then.... now, she won't let him visit. 

[Lee Borden]

We are so human, aren't we? I didn't follow every twist and turn in your description, but the impression I'm getting is that the three of you have developed a "norm" of communicating in a way different from the one the judge ordered, that this alternate system worked fine for a while, and that now that it suits Mom's purposes, she's ignoring your "norm" and relying on the language in the decree.

She has that right, and there's not much you can do about that. Henceforth, you'll just need to comply with the letter of the decree. It will make it harder on everyone, but I don't see that you have much choice.

Remember Lee's Rule #1: "If in doubt, obey the decree."

[rodney]

So your advice would be the next time my son telephones to let me know that he will not be visiting on the scheduled weekend, that I either say we are going by the decree or e-mail his Mom to get something in writing from her as to when he will come during the month?  This is what I did not do but as I stated, three months of him communicating that with me and he did come at a different time, I had no other thought than, he'd visit the second weekend of the month.

[Lee Borden]

No, the course you describe puts all the work on you. I'm suggesting instead that you tell Mom and your son that, because Mom has insisted on the letter of the decree, you will need to insist on it too. From now on, all communication will need to be as described in the decree - nothing more, nothirg less. Then if your son calls and says "I'll be doing thus and so," you tell him that until Mom complies with the decree as she insisted you must do, you will assume there's been no change from what the judge ordered.