Divorce Packages

Marital Agreements

Discovery

Wills

Solutions

All Forms

Home

Search

States

Children

Money

Survival Guide

Best Books

Legal Help

Clients

Throwing a Divorce Party

When to do it

I don't need to tell you this, because you know. The whole idea of a divorce party is that it's a rite of passage -- a way of erecting a big bright sign for yourself and your friends to say "It's over. That part of my life is behind me now." So you obviously want to wait to have your party until it really is over.

Besides, you're in no mood to party until you know what your divorce decree is going to say. So that means you wouldn't want to have a party (at least not to celebrate your divorce) until after the settlement agreement is signed. I don't think it matters as much whether the judge has actually signed your divorce decree, but it's nice to be able to show off the decree at the party, so that may be reason enough to wait. If the settlement agreement is already signed, you probably don't have too long to wait anyway.

If you've ever been a drinker, you're likely to end up getting drunk at your divorce party. Don't ask me why; you just are. So that means you want to plan your divorce party when your kids are with the ex (or someone else), when you don't have anything important you need to do the next morning, and when you have someone whose judgment you trust who will stay with you throughout the party and make sure you get home safely (preferably without anyone of the opposite sex to accompany you).

Whom to invite

People who have been through divorce are usually the best guests to invite to your divorce party. Your divorce lawyer will probably appreciate being invited but probably won't come. Most women I know invite only other women, and most men I know (who are far less likely to throw divorce parties) invite both genders. Because of the probability you're going to get stupid, you probably should avoid inviting anyone from your workplace or others whose impression of you would change if they see you in a (ahem) state.

Unless you and your spouse are really cooperative, your divorce party is no place for your children, even if they're adult children. Your children need to maintain as good a relationship as possible with both their parents, and inviting them to your divorce party is unlikely to help.

I'm going to scare many of you when I say this, but you shouldn't think it heretical to invite your STBX. For many of you, the whole idea of this is to celebrate not being with your spouse, and if so, you shouldn't consider inviting your STBX. But knowing as I do that most couples who divorce don't hate their spouse, I understand that far more divorcing spouses get along with their STBX than the culture realizes. If you and your STBX still have friends and interests in common and would enjoy spending the evening together, by all means throw a party together.

Alison and Johnny were one of the many thoroughly cooperative couples who used me to prepare the papers for their uncontested divorce. Johnny was in treatment for his alcoholism and wasn't drinking, but the damage to their relationship was too deep and too painful for both of them. Reluctantly, they decided to divorce. Having seen some of their friends fight each other to claim sole custody of one friend after another, Alison and Johnny wanted to make sure that didn't happen with them.

They agreed on a Saturday afternoon when both of them would be at the house, and they invited their friends to drop by and visit. Because of the obvious baggage attached, they opted not to serve any alcohol. It was a pleasant afternoon, with lots of stories and laughter, a few tears, and mostly a lot of sighs of relief from their friends, who actually came to understand that they could remain friends with both of them.

Alison and Johnny didn't have as many people come to the party as they had originally thought. They invited 100 or so, and only 18 people actually made it to their house. Even so, they're proud of the way they went about this. As they figure it, even those people who didn't come got a clear message from their invitation that it was okay to stay friends with both of them.

What to do

What you do at your divorce party depends on how you feel about the divorce, whom you invite, and just how impaired you get. Here are some of the things I think make sense at divorce parties:

Now forgive me for playing daddy, but there are a few things I hope you won't do at your divorce party:

Now go have a good time. You've earned it.