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714 - Why Does It Hurt So Much?The great untold story of divorce is how much it hurts ‑ and not just the spouse who's left behind but also even the spouse who's doing the leaving. The reason it hurts so much is that people who are going through divorce are having to deal with so many losses all at the same time. You're hurting for a broken relationship, of course. And often at the same time, you're hurting because you feel betrayed by your spouse or by somebody in your spouse's family. And often at the same time, you're also hurting over the changes in your life. And there are so many changes connected with divorce. Sometimes you have to change where you live, what you can afford to do, how much time you spend with your children, how you can plan for the future, all while you're trying to deal with a whole new world of lawyers, judges, pleadings, and court dates. The sad fact is ... divorce sucks. Now there are some things you can do to take care of yourself in the midst of a divorce. You'll find a full explanation on Divorceinfo.com, but quickly here, you need to start by acknowledging that you're going through divorce, it's going to hurt, and you're going to hurt. That sounds elementary, but it's surprising the number of people who don't really get that message. They think they're still supposed to do everything they were doing when their marriage was stable, and they don't realize what an impact divorce is having on them. The second thing you can do is to gather lots of information about the process. You're showing your willingness to do that by spending time here on the Divorce Line. You'll also want to spend some time on my web site, Divorceinfo.com. It's the equivalent of a 2,000 page book about divorce, and it's all free of charge. Also when you're dealing with divorce, a counselor can help you deal with some of your anger and fear and may actually help save you some of the money you otherwise would spend in adversarial divorce. One caveat about counseling, though. If you and your spouse are likely to fight about your children, you need to know that your spouse may try to show that you're an unfit parent. If they do that, one of the things they can do is to force your counselor to tell the judge what you have said in private sessions. It's messy, it's painful, and it's just downright mean, but it happens. If you think you and your spouse may be fighting over the children, make sure you visit with your lawyer before beginning counseling. Alabama Family Law Center serves clients who need to get through divorce and who are able to be reasonably cooperative. The goal is for both spouses to survive divorce and move on with their lives with some money in their pockets and their dignity intact. No representation is made that the quality of the legal services to be performed is greater than the quality of legal services performed by other lawyers. If you'd like to make an appointment with me, call 205-979-6960. Or you can click here to return to the Divorce Line. |
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