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712 - What are the Mistakes People Make Most Often?Most people going through divorce resolve at least at the beginning of the process that they're not going to lose control of themselves, or their temper, or their legal bill. The good news that most people don't realize is that, most people going through divorce are able to be successful at doing that. That is, they quietly get about the cruddy, painful business of ending their marriage. They don't spend hours in court, they don't run up thousands of dollars in legal bills, and they're able to get through the pain and get on with their lives. But there's no question that some people do make mistakes in divorce ‑ big mistakes. And unfortunately, the nature of divorce is that we often have to live with mistakes we make in divorce for years, sometimes for the rest of our lives. What are the mistakes people make most often in divorce? The first is giving up control of their divorce ‑ usually to their lawyer. Your lawyer is a professional. He or she is trained in how to represent your interests in court, and you need to listen carefully to the advice your lawyer gives you. But this is not your lawyer's divorce. It's yours, and you're the one who's going to have to live with the results. If you and your spouse can communicate only through your lawyers, you have given up control of your divorce. The negotiations between you and your spouse will be at your lawyers' pace, on your lawyers' issues, and at your lawyers' hourly rates. There is an occasional divorce where the two spouses are so emotionally overwhelmed that they just cannot have a rational conversation. If you and your spouse are like that, know that you're not alone. This is where mediation can be particularly helpful, because it offers the spouses a way to resolve the issues that have to be decided in a safe place where the negotiations will stay under control. The mediator keeps both parties focused on the issues and coaches them through the process of reaching an agreement. A third mistake is to spend too much money on gathering the facts necessary to decide the issues of their divorce ‑the legal term for this is discovery. Your lawyer may talk to you about the preparation of interrogatories, requests for the production of documents, and depositions. These are all designed to gather information in preparation for your divorce, and they can cost thousands of dollars to prepare, conduct, and interpret the results. A fourth mistake people often make in divorce is to let their family or friends tell them what they need, and even sometimes what they should be feeling. Remember, this is your divorce, and every divorce is different from every other divorce. No one can or should tell you how you should get through it, what you should be saying, what you should be doing, or what you should be feeling. Don't be afraid to rely on your own judgment. Finally, a mistake people make over and over is to negotiate, to reach agreement, and to get divorced without thinking through the tax impact of the concessions they're making. It's not at all unusual for one of the spouses to get a nasty surprise several months ‑ or years ‑‑ after the divorce, when they realize for the first time that they're facing a big tax bill they didn't know about. You really need to visit with someone who understands how tax and divorce fit together to make sure you haven't missed a big‑dollar issue that might pop up later. Alabama Family Law Center serves clients who need to get through divorce and who are able to be reasonably cooperative. The goal is for both spouses to survive divorce and move on with their lives with some money in their pockets and their dignity intact. No representation is made that the quality of the legal services to be performed is greater than the quality of legal services performed by other lawyers. If you'd like to make an appointment with me, call 205-979-6960. Or you can click here to return to the Divorce Line. |
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