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702 - What if Neither of Us Wants a Divorce?If neither you nor your spouse wants divorce, the question quickly comes down to how committed both of you are to saving your marriage. Rebuilding your love for each other is hard work, and because it involves big changes in the way you relate to each other, it hurts. In many ways it hurts more than a divorce would, at least in the short run. It makes sense to work with a professional therapist who can help both you and your spouse reengineer your marriage. You may want to declare your existing marriage dead, maybe even have a funeral for it if you want to. Then form a new marriage with different roles, different expectations ... you're learning how to be lovers all over again. The reason it hurts is that it involves fundamental changes in the way you relate to each other, and that always causes pain. The key is that you have to stick with the process even when it starts to hurt, because that's when you're getting down to what really matters. One of the most critical decisions you and your spouse will make in this process is the therapist who will work with you. Therapists work from a variety of different faith perspectives, and they have many different styles. I maintain a database of the best marriage counselors in the Birmingham area. If you and your spouse are trying to find a therapist to help you with your marriage, I'd be glad to visit with you briefly and make some suggestions of therapists who might be well‑suited to your situation. Alabama Family Law Center serves clients who need to get through divorce and who are able to be reasonably cooperative. The goal is for both spouses to survive divorce and move on with their lives with some money in their pockets and their dignity intact. No representation is made that the quality of the legal services to be performed is greater than the quality of legal services performed by other lawyers. If you'd like to make an appointment with me, call 205-979-6960. Or you can click here to return to the Divorce Line. |
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